Review: Gallery of Horror (1977)

Review: Gallery of Horror(1967)

By William Pattison

 

John Carradine narrates five horror tales, each with a comically predictable surprise ending. In the first, "The Witches Clock" (sic), The Farrells have purchased an old mansion in Salem Massachusetts, and are warned by the town doctor, Finchley, of the history of witches in the community, and the old clock which they brought up from the attic. Then an old man named Tristram Halbin comes for a visit. The second story, "King of the Vampires" deals with a slight-figured killer, called the King of the Vampires by Scotland Yard, which sends Brenner to investigate. The third, "Monster Raid," is about a man turned zombie when he OD's on his experimental drug, who returns to avenge his death at the hands of his widow and her lover-now husband. "Spark of Life" deals with a doctor Mendell obsessed with the experiments of a thrown-out professor named Erich von Frankenstein, and two of his students who try to restore a cadaver to life. "Count Alucard" (called "Alucard" by Carradine and "Dracula: on the end credits, is a variation on the Dracula story, with the Count acquiring the deed to Carfax Abbey from Harker, as vampiresses and dead bodies start turning up. It, too, has a surprise ending unrelated to Stoker.

This film is a complete mess that even having John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr couldn’t  save.

The stories are badly written and acted l. The only good parts, and they aren’t that good is John Carradine’s monologues before each story.

The final story is an off narrative adaptation of Dracula:Guest with bad dialogue and a surprise ending that comes out of right field.

As a lover of classic anthologies I was horribly disappointed.There is not even a gallery on the damn film. This film is actually worse than the film I thought got the prize for bad anthology film, The Monster Club, this is far worse. All hail the worst classic anthology film, and it is a complete STINKER!!! You want an anthology with an actual gallery in it watch Night Gallery, it’s  worlds better.

Review; The Haunting of Blithlow zHouse 2018

Review: The Haunting of The Whitlow House

By William Pattison

This time who got a tale of a haunted house…

Two passionate entrepreneurs sink all their resources into a "haunted" house with the hope of turning it into a profitable horror attraction. The young couple soon realizes that the horrific stories surrounding the house's sinister history are not only true, but deadly.

Ok, let’s just pull the bandage off and let the pain begin. I suggest you watch Hell House LLC and toss this badly made ripoff in the toilet because it is complete and utter DOGSHIT.Don’t waste your time, t’s my job.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review:Don't Look Away 2023

Eview: Don’t Look Away

By William Pattison

This time we got a freaky supernatural film that is shot in hyper reality and features a killer maniquin…Yeah, now it’s a party!!!

Don't Look Away (2023)

 

After a gang of criminals unintentionally unleashes a supernatural force onto the world, a young woman named Frankie is convinced she's being stalked by a killer mannequin. Frankie soon realizes that her friends are in jeopardy too. She must find the man who holds the key to stopping the killings, but Frankie knows that once you see the mannequin, there may be no end in sight, except for your own.

 Have to say that this is one of the freakier films I’ve  seen in years. This film is shot in a kind of hyper reality. The photography, the pacing, the color scheme, even the movements of the background actors even the use of tinkling bells in the music track enhance this style choice by the director. The only anomaly in this mind screwing process in the main character, Molly. The actress that plays her does an amazingly subtle performance. For long periods she doesn’t even speck yet through expression and movements conveys emotíons.

The paranormal force that appears as a freaky maniquin is creepy in its lack of motion yet it still manages to take out Molly’s assocoates one by one.

This film is one massive head trip that will blow your mind.

I don’t need to say more than this film is AWESOMETACULAR!!!

Review: Ouija A New Beginning

Review: Ouija A New Beginning

By William Pattison

 

This time I got this installment in the Ouija franchise.

Ouija: A New Beginning (2025)

 

Molly Price is a woman on the run, but when her oldest daughter finds a Ouija board and attempts to communicate with her deceased father, she invites the spirit of an ancient witch into her soul and puts the entire family at risk.

For those of you who are those rare Ellissa Dowling fans, this film is your paradise. Not only do you have the nastiest actress in horror (gag!!!), but also she has been cloned…Yes, we got two Ellissaettes to enjoy(triple gag and a puke…). Ellissa has found her perfect part in this film, failed mother and amazingly she is aActually watchable in this role.

Now Ellissaette one makes friends with a young Goth witch and gets a Ouija board. This is when the film becomes interesting..well somewhat. There are no scares in this film. I’m  amazed they found young Elissa kid look a likes with the same lack of acting skills. Yet, this film actually isn’t as bad as Ouija; The Ultimate Evil… but this isn’t good either. This is in fact the ultimate Elissa Dowling film and that is nasty and scary in the wrong way.

So, Ouija A New Beginning is DOG SHIT. Avoid like the plague. My eyes are still hurting…

 

Essay:Clive Barker, The Gash, The Body Politic, And The Scarlet Ghospoles

Essay: CLive Barker, Hrllraiser, and The Scarlett Ghosp0les

By William Pattison

Gore and scares, people! I know it’s been a while, and yes this isn’t a novie review. This is an essay on a subject I’m interested in talking about and about a time when this genre was a lot more friendly and was open to everyone. It was a time when artistsWere more interested in looking at what we share rather than differences. We would converse with fellow artists with Interest rather than looking for fault. It was s different time that I miss. I’ve lost way too much since then. I look at our genre with a lot of sadness and disappointment. I wait for a return for all fandom.

.

1.      ThiRty years ago, during the short period of The Web Mssters. You know when websites were liked by the huge Webmasters webbring system…before they went bankrupt and died a quick and horrible death. At that time I was a known and respected webmaster of       Webring. I ran, Voorhees Web, the home of the Camp Crystal Lake Books. As part of Voorhees Web Was connections to horror celebrities websites, including Adrian King, Betsy Palmer, Elvira, and of course Clive Barker.  We all had an unwritten agreement  that we would help get each other hits on our sites. It was a more nobeler time, before the dark times and the horror socials. We all supported each other without all the petty politics and agendas,  us and them philiosophy, and it was fun and we were all family then. It was the inspiration for The Wolf Pack.

Clive’s webmaster webRing was run by his bff and lover Barnabus.  He did the majority  Of  Clive’s promotion from there. It was there after I watched Hellraiser Bloodline, I was one of the few people who actually enjoyed it, and still do. Clive opened up to me about Hellraiser, The Gash, the body politic, The Great and Secret Show, and The Scarlett Ghospells. He told me about having a minor stroke and how after the trauma his body awakened and every nerve in his body woke up and he felt everything at once. I realized he was telling me his original  I apiration for The Hellbound Heart, aka, Hellraiser .

Now, thirty years later I truly understand Hellraiser, the Gash, aNd, amazingly The Scarlett Ghospells . Hellraiser is about how pain and life are bound. Life is pain And pain gives meaning to life.byou can’t live without pain. Pain and sacrifice is the way to power and knowledge.

The reason why is because last night over a week after heart surgery my body awoke on me. Every nerve in my body went off at once. I truly felt my body and my surroundings. I connected to all the hurting peóple around me. I  felt the blood flowing through me, my organs, even the remains of my lunch for the last two days stuck in my teeth. I wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. I truly felt alive. Then I remembered Frank in Hellbound Heart and it all became clear. I truly understand Clive Barker and his work. Now I understand the mistakes people made after Hellraiser 4. You need to experience what Clive and I and a few others I know have. You need to understand that life is a giant joke without a punchline. Life is about life, nothing more. Simple. Easy.  We are players on a stage. That’s  all.

The Gash represented the ones who know it represented the people In The British social scene that were big into the growing Sand M/Punk scene who were experimenting in pleasure and pain in that restrictive society. But Hellraiser is more than than just kink fantasy, but I don’t suggest you give your self a heart attack and have open heart surgery to find out the truth

Review: Isle of the Dead (2016)

Review: Isle of the Dead (2016)

By William Pattison

 

This time I’m reviewing a zombie film done by my buddies at The Asylum. Oh joy…

A military squad is sent to a deserted island in the Pacific Ocean in order to secure top secret records involving a zombie epidemic that wiped out the large scientific team experimenting with various test chemicals and toxins which leads to the team battling not only zombies, but the lone surviving scientist who has plans for the future of the human race.

For those of you not is the know The Asylum is best known for their outrageous Sharknato films and their Mockbusters… basically crap films. Films that are shot in three to four days with budgets of 80s sitcoms. These are simple garbage popcorn films that you watch for stars that are ready to retire, horrible acting film school CGI, but with a lot of heart and an understanding that this is cheap snack food and the films you get when you are drunk or in a hurry and quickly grab the first thing that remotely sounds like the hot blockbuster. It is no different here.

This film is a feast of tacky zombie fun with bad acting…they dare call these losers a Seal team…, lots of mindless zombie attacks, and of course no morality in the story, just lots of machine gun fire, mindless violence, and gallons of fake blood. Fun for any zombie movie fan and something The Asylum does well.

If you love a good bloody zombie film with lots of killing and no one really trying to do a good performance this is the film for you and I highly highly recommend it.

 

Review: The Hem (2025)

Review: The Hem (2025)

By William Pattison

Ok, I got you yet another found footage film…

A documentary crew investigates a haunted church on the verge of collapse with one condition: they must be out by dark. Unfortunately for them, they get locked in and must face the terror the night brings.

Sadly, this film is a by the numbers found footage film with nothing to it that makes it special or in any way interesting.

The location looks like any other abandoned building. The place is supposed to be a church but I don’t  get a church feel from it. There is nothing at all that says this was a church. It could literally be an old office building. On top of that you get a very sparce outline of the history of the place.

None of the characters stand out. You just don’t  give a shit about them because they are complete strangers.

The sequence with the police cam footage look AI generated. I’m  serious, it looks fake as shit.

The only positive thing  I have to say about this film is it didn’t have any shaky cam, like too many of these films have.

And come on (spoiler) you end up finding out the evil is a haunted wedding dress. That made me shake my head and regret considering watching this film. The title should have given me a clue. Poor me.

Finally, in regard to spooky stuff there is only a couple of things and they happen so fast you don’t  have time to even acknowledge anything’s happened.

So, all and all if you are not obsessed with found footage and could care less about such things as story, characters, or actual scared you might void this film.

If not it’s on Tubi TV.