Review:Death of Robin Hood (2026)

Review: The Death of Robin Hood (2026)

By William Pattison

This time I got a historically accurate adaption of the ending of the legend of Robin Hood…

 

Grappling with his past after a life of crime and murder, Robin Hood finds himself gravely injured after a battle he thought would be his last. In the hands of a mysterious woman, he is offered a chance at salvation.

I found this film interesting, but I found this Robin Hood to be a fucking blood thirsty asshole, which is the point of the film. Bravo, the production did its job. This isn’t the film Robin and Marian from the 70s.vThis is a dark and gritty and historically accurate  retelling of the last month of Robin Hood’s life, or to be accurate one of the six men who took on the persons of the hooded man. In this case it was he Robin Hood whose real name was Laurance of Gloskow, the last living one.

Hugh Jackman does a great job making Robin Hood into a blood thirsty killer who steals and kills both the rich and the poor, even children. They even have a scene in the film where Robin kills a little girl because of her bloodline. Yes this is not the version of Robin Hood that you know. In this movie the legend we know exists but the real man, well this man, is nothing like the legend. The Merry men are gone. In this version means a bunch of murdering theives. Little John dies at the beginning and according to Robin Will Scarlett doesn’t exist, or does he? More importantly no Maid Marian (she is supposed to have poisoned him out of mercy in thebut it got worse original tstory, but there there is the  head priory nun to fill that space.

Also, Robin pulls a SHANE with Little John’s daughter.

So, I think you get an idea of how this film is. The first half of the film is nothing but blood and murder. The other half is drama and emotion. Surprisingly I enjoyed the second half. The first part just pissed me off because I’m  a huge Robin Hood fan. But still in the end I found this a very interesting film. I understand what they were doing with this film and feel they did a good job reconstructing the time period free of the sugar coating. Therefore I will recommend this film…

Just remember this isn’t by our mother’s Robin Hood…

Keep on Creepin’, 

Lee Cronin's The Mummy (2026)

Review: Lee Cronin’s The Mummy (2026)

By William Pattison

This time I got a demon possession movie that is pretending to be a mummy movie…

 

Eight years after her sudden disappearance in Egypt, a severely traumatized teenager is returned to her shattered family in New Mexico, triggering a visceral nightmare as they realize she is hosting an ancient, demonic parasite.

Ok, let’s get started…Yes, mummification happens in this movie and some of it happens in Egypt, but this film is no way a proper mummy movie. Shit, even that fucked up Tom Cruise Mummy movie is a proper mummy movie. This film isn’t a mummy movie.

This movie is your standard demon stuck in a body film. Be it an ancient Egyptian demon don’t  mean shit.

Now with this said I’m  not saying it’s  not a good film. It is just false advertising titling this film The Mummy. Egyptian crypt, mummy wrappings with ancient Egyptian writing on them don’t  make this film a mummy movie. The same with some people speaking Egyptian or a ritual chanted in Egyptian. Nope, not a mummy movie. But, of course, Lee Cronin knew this. Lee Cronin wanted to get people in to see his/ or her movie. I doubt the director could find a title that would get anyone to their movie. Titling it after the demon won’t work, because no one knows this demon at all. I’m  not even sure it is a real Egyptian demon.

The film is well made and scary. Shit, it is about a carniverous demon that loves to destroy families. It is basically the Egyptian Devil, that has been bound by a single family for centuries. Yep, these people steal children and jam this demon in them and lock them in a crypt to rot and suffer till the demon uses the poor kid up. Then do it again. ... Yeah, so my point.

This film is a creepy kid movie, and damned if it is. This kid is fucking scary and things get brutal. It is well worth the price of admission, unless you are expecting a mummy movie. I bet Lee Cronin is friends with that asshole that gave us a Wolfman movie that wasn’t a wolfman movie. Come on, people, stop playing games and give us what you promised!! We are not amused.

Technically this movie is great. It is atmospheric. It has good acting. It is scary as shit. It just plain is not as promoted and that is wrong. Still as an honest and wonderful reviewer I can’t give a negative review on a film that is actually entertaining, even if it is not a mummy movie. So, just to make it clear, it is not a mummy movie, but I’m still recommending it. Happy?

 

Review: Evil Dead Burn (2026)

Review: Evil Dead Burn (2026)

By William Pattison

This time I got the latest film in the Evil Dead franchise…

 

After the loss of her husband, a woman seeks solace with her in-laws. As one by one they transform into deadites, she comes to discover that the vows she took in life - survive even in death.

His film is the best and most brutal of this film franchise.Director Sebastien Vanicek adds some of the old style sadistic humour along with a flood of butchered arms and other body parts as the family gets possessed by Kandarian demons and rip each other apart.

But this time the demons have a goal. The family is connected to one of the researchers that played the infamous tape of the translation of The Necronomicon Ex Mortus. Nope. This time they are looking for the one item that can permanently kill a Kandarian demon while in a human body, the Kandarian Daggar. The family has this weapon hidden in their house somewhere. The demons want the Daggar so that their kind can spread through the world unstoppable.

Unfortunately The Necronomicon is missing. It is mentioned quite a bit but the book doesn’t appear in this film,which is unique.

Now the family home is a warzone and loved ones are now out to brutally destroy each other.

Souheila Yacoub plays Alice, who is in the position that Ash Williams once had as demon butt kicker. Souheila does a good job but she lacks the over the top performance that actor Bruce Campbell provided. Still she does a good job and in fact I cringed at the pounding this poor girl had to endure.

The rest of the family, which is in fact Alice’s dead, and abusive, husband’s family. Hubby died in an auto accident and got possessed and burned when his car impacted the woman who was possessed at the end of Evil Dead Rise, who stood in the middle of the road waiting for him. Yes, the one that came out of the water and was floating in the air at the beginning and end of Rise. Yes, we actually got continuity…yeah.

I have to say this film has the best demon action of the series. The demons in this film are fast and don’t give a shit about looking pretty, when they are on you they are committed and nasty. There are actually very few demon monologues, these deadites are all action this time and they are taking sadistic pleasure in every moment.

All in all all I can  say is if you are a long time Evil Dead fan you will not be disappointed. I have to say this film is AWESOMTACULAR, even without our dear, wonderful, Bruce champbell swinging the chainsaw!!!

 

 

Review: Project Hail Mary (2026)

Review: Project hail Mary

By William Pattison

Well this time I have the extreme pleasure of reviewing a film adaptation of the second book that the author who wrote the iconic Cyber Punk novel Necromancer did.

Now I have to tell you that this film is in league of science fiction as 2001 A Space Oddascy , The Marcian, and, of course Silent Running. In fact this film really reminds me of silent Running, which shars the fact the Bruce Dern spends most of the film alone. But the difference is the main character Dr Ryland Grace, played by Ryan Gosling, is trying to save the world because our sun is dying along with a bunch of other. Grace is also joined by an alien rock creature who is on a similar mission for his people.

The real set piece in this film is Gosling’s performance which is eccentric while being emotion. He connects with the audience right away and you instantly care about him. Also, the fact that Gosling must play against a alien rock creature puppet makes his performance even more astounding. It readily reminds me of Bruce Derns performance. This is not easy, people.

Production wise this film is outstanding. The sets and FX really scream this is a special film that is one on a million.

I really can’t  say much more except if you like good honest sci Fi like the films I mentioned before you will adore this film. This film compared to you everyday sci Fi film is the difference between a cube steak and a prime rib. It is worlds apart for most of the stuff out there. And I have to say this film is AWESOMTACULAR.

Ibthing Bruce Dern would love this film…

Though I’m  saddened to say this incredible example of truly great science fiction is being ignored by all the science fiction awards as well as the academy. This is because the genre of both science fiction and fantasy has been polluted by social political elements. So, because the story was written by a heterosexual white man and the production has no LGPBQ actors in it and has no racial characters in main roles, except an Asian guy for two minutes. So, this means because of new rules for the awards this film is not eligible, which is total bullshit. I fucking hate this crap. Give me a fucking break. You can quote me on this, because a great film is being denied it’s accolaid because of social political bullshit.

 ..

 

Review: Spirits (1985)

Review: Spirit (1985)

By William Pattison

This time I got a demon house film staring Eric Estrata. Do I need to say more?

This film is bad and it is a sad reminder of how low the career of a former star of Chips can go.

This film also stars Brinke Stevens and former Count Yorga and Count Yorga Returns star Robert Quarry. Quarry couldn’t save this film. If anything it is sad what happened to the man who nearly dethrowned Vincent Price as the King of American International Pictures.

From a rather lack luster script to when the ultimate evil is revealed it is a guy in a cheap skull mask with laughable FX to give him glowing eyes.

This film is an example of how not to do a demonically haunted house movie.

Even after fifty years between viewings I still consider this film DOG SHIT. This is far from a film I cherished watching. Still, it is not even close to the trauma indusing nightmare that was Stephen King’s  Dreamcatcher. Yep, this turd is better than that.

You want to prove me wrong? This film is  on Tubi TV. If you like pain, enjoy…

Review: The Deep Dark (2023)

Review: The Deep Dark (2023)

By William Pattison 

This time I’m pushing my comfort level with a subtitled  French horror film about miners encountering a monster while trying to takes samples deep in a mine…

Miners are forced to take a professor underground with them, to take samples for his measurements. After a landslide prevents them from going back up, they discover a crypt from another time, unknowingly waking up a bloodthirsty creature.

I’m going to start out by saying that I hate watching subtitled films. I know some people love watching films in there original language. That is not me. Give me a bubble version any day and usually Tubi TV usually have those available. Unfortunately in this case it didn’t so I grabbed my glasses and tried to read the dialogue. I failed. With my eye issues and the fact I had to watch this film on my phone they were a blurry mess. I gave up very quickly, which was annoying because this film was heavy on dialogue. Thank you Tubi for not providing a dub…bastards!. So without access to dialogue I wasn’t able to really connect with the characters or even know their names. They were all just generic miners.

Then, to make it worse, the filmmaker decided to film all the scenes in the mine by solely head lamps. Yes this did give the scene an uncomfortable claustrophobic feel, but now I had a lack of visuals to go with the lack of being able to read the dialogue.

Now, here comes the best part of the film. After an endless slog the monster arrives finally. I loved how the handled the creature. This thing was black and though it was bipedal it didn’t  look human. The sound the creature makes in the film sounds like tree branches breaking. It was cool and the filmmaker was brilliant in how little you actually saw of it. Mostly you saw flashes of the creature and saw a head lamp fail and hear bones crunching.

This was the best part of the film for me, which wasn’t much. The monster shows up only in the last  twenty minutes. But, holding the monster off so long gave it weight in the film because the rest of the film, even including the tunnel caving in was just plain boring without real access to the dialogue.

All in all I’m  not happy and feel cheated by this film. It had potential to be entertaining, but it was a slog and out of ninety minutes only the last twenty minutes have a minimal bit of value. Unless you love subtitles I can’t recommend this film. I lost seventy-five percent of the film because someone at Tubi or the production company decided not to include a dubbed edition. Such a fucking waste of time…

As stated you can find this film on Tubi TV…

 

Review: I, Madman (1989)

Review: I, Madman (1989)

By William Pattison

This time I got a freaky slasher/noir film that delves into the thin line between reality and fantasy…

Virginia works at a used book store. She's really into horror novels and discovers a really good book. It's called "I, Madman" and it's about an insane doctor who cuts off people's noses, ears, and hair and puts them on his face to please a girl he likes. Only Virginia discovers that the book is nonfiction, and every time she picks up the book to read it, she sees him. The insane doctor from the book has escaped the book into our reality.

This is a very excentric film that is brilliant because of it it’s  oddness.

Though this film was made in the 80s, it harken back to films of the 50s and even has a scene that is pure Hitchcock. Also, it is at times classic noir, right down to the music.

Randel Williams plays the part of the killer while also being the guy who created all the makeup FX for the film, much like Lon Chaney Sr did with the films he was in. How this happened was that the person the director hired to play the killer backed out at the last minute. Williams knew the script by heart, and was a very creepy person anyway. So he was offered the part and he happily took on the double duty. He actually became the standout in the film, well, next to the stop motion hyena boy. William’s voice and gestures add a lot to the character.

Jenny Wright is the perfect choice for actress/book fan Virginia. She adds just enough vulnerability and quirkiness to make the audience actually care about her fate. The only weakness I find in her storyline is that it is her boyfriend who is the lead detective, played by Clayton Rohner, investigating the murders. In the real world he would have to bow out because of his relationship with his lead witness. But this is I, Madman and it runs by its own rules.

Also, we come to the most freakiest decision of this freakshow of a movie, The Hyena Boy. This is one of the most freaky and unrealic part of the film. This thing is called the Hyena Boy, but it doesn’t look like a boy or a hyena or even a high red of  each. This gray skinned thing looks sort of like a monkey, dog mix. It doesn’t help the sound department used monkey squeels. Any other film this “thing” would be a disaster, but in this film it’s  charming.

This film is very unique and is a creature of it’s  own. It is a film I’ve gone back to over a hundred times because each time I find some new newance or little thing that adds to the oddity that is this film. And, it is this aspect that makes this film AWESOMETACULAR!!!