Review:Beyond the Grave (2023)

Review: Beyond the Grave (2023)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing a paranormal documentary abóut rebranding Death..

Beyond the Grave (2023)

 

An investigative journalist researches the mystery of what happens after death. She interviews several people who have had Near Death Experiences, visits a reputed haunted house, and gets a reading by a Medium.

This is an excellent documentary when it comes to the paranormal and the new theories regarding the body and mind during death. This film is full of excellent interviews with people who have had an afterlife and a haunting experience. Some of these interviews are with people I actually know and trust in the paranormal including researcher and person who died and had an out of body experience Peter Anthony. Peter tells his story of how he was rushed to the emergency with blood issuing from his mouth. He is misdiagnosed as being in the final stages of AIDS and was being left to die when Death came for him. Then the documentary goes to Arizona and the headquarters of Alsor and discusses the technology of cryonics. I found this part interesting because my former associate Shane Molher obsessed with cryonics and was actually a member of Alcor. Unfortunately when he died from diabetes the hospital costs took so much a toll on his finances he was unable to get himself cryptically suspended. Amusingly though his cat, Tuffy, was one of the feline subjects of Alcore. Finally, they also included an interview with my dear friend Andrea Peron, who experiences the events depicted in The Conjuring as well as authored the three books in the House of Darkness, House of Light series, which is the true story. She talks about her eleven years living in a haunted farmhouse.

As I stated earlier this is an excellent documentary if you are interested  in the afterlife without having to go through an entire ghost hunt.

The only thing I disagree with the documentary on is the idea that spirits cannot be dangerous. Being a person who has lived in a haunted house and had several paranormal and out of body experiences I know for a fact spirits can be dangerous and can in fact cause the living both mental and physical harm. I know this from actual experience. Same with life after death. So, from experience I agree and disagree with this documentary. I disagree with some of the critics that the film needs a bit of editing, but that is just my informed opinion.

So, all in all I consider this documentary AWESOMTACULAR!!!!

You can find this on Tubi.

Review: 100 Feet (2009)

Review:100 Feet (2008)

By William Pattison

This time I got my number one favorite Ghost film of the past decade, done by the film genius, and that is my informed opinion, Eric Red…

A young woman, Marnie Watson, is granted early release from her prison sentence for manslaughter (killing her husband - a violent NYC cop - in self defense) on condition she wear an electronic ankle bracelet and remain within her home, effectively under house arrest, for the remainder of her sentence. Her late husband's partner keeps tabs on her from a patrol car parked across the street, hoping she'll violate probation and he can send her back to prison. But the 100-foot radius her ankle bracelet allows isn't the worst of her problems.

Now, to start out with, if you want to be completely blown away you need to track down and buy a copy of the Hollywood Video Exclusive Unrated version of this film because the mere two and a half minute of additional footage elevates this film to genius level. You jaw will literally drop and you will be stunned. It is the definition of brutal perfection. It makes Negan’s murderous introduction in The Walking Dead look cute and cuddly by comparison. I kid you not.

So, this is filmmaker, Eric Red’s violent and claustrophobic masterpiece about a woman, played brilliantly by Fanke Jameson, who is trapped in her brownstone where a year before she freaked out and cut the head off her abusive cop husband. She is trapped because she is tethered to the house by an electronic bracelette around her ankle that only allows her to go one hundred feet in any direction or an alarm goes off and she is only allowed one minute to get back into the one hundred toot zone or the police will come and take her to prison. But she is unaware that she is not alone. The vengeful spirit of her husband is also tethered to the brownstone and is going to use her for his personal punching bag.

Also, added into the mix is her husband’s partner who thinks the wife didn’t kill her husband but is being bullied into silence by the “real” killer. As well is a young delivery man who falls for her … but you have to watch the unrated version to truly appreciate his fate.

Eddie and the Cruisers star Michael Pare plays the spirit of the dead husband, but you would not recognize him with the freaky ghost FX that Eric Red Co seals him underneath. You actually only get to get a clear look at him at the very end of the film.

But, when it comes down to it this is Famke’s film and she is literally put through hell throughout this nightmare of a film.

Years ago I had Eric Red on my Podcast, An Awakening of Horror and we spent over two and a half hours discussing this film. Eric praised it as the best interview of his career.

But, I’m not mentioning the interview just to pat myself on the back, though I deserve it. It is because Eric talked about how he manipulated Fanke to get the incredible performance out of her. He literally made her hate Michael Pare and at the end of the shoot she even ended up punching him in the face to get rid of the anger and stress she was under, though for all I know this might be an amusing fiction on Eric’s part. For me, I can believe it.

But once again I heartily suggest you see the uncut version because you

Literally get to see a human being broken into a bag of mush wíth all the yummysnapping and crushing sounds and closeups of limps and

 ribs breaking…spoilers !!!... Now that is a party!!!

 

Review: Last Shift (2014)

Review:Last Shift (2014)

By William Pattison

This time I got a remake of a 1990 film that started the horror subgenre that inspired The Innkeepers.

A Manson-inspired horror film centering around a transitioning police station. Officer Jessica Loren has been assigned to wait for a Hazmat team to pick up bio-hazardous waste from the station's armory. But unbeknownst to Jessica, cult Leader John Michael Paymon has haunted the department ever since he and two of this followers committed suicide a year ago to date. And now, Jessica is about to find out how dangerous they can be when she's left alone on this Last Shift.

 The Last Shift subgenre of horror started actually with the infamous grind house film, Day of the Woman, aka I Spit on Your Grave  In this film a woman must survive against a gang of psychopaths. In 1990 this idea was taken into the ghost genre of horror with the release of the first of many The Last Shift films, which have a woman having to survive being stuck either haunted business or government office location that has had a bloody past… pretty munch The Shining meets I Spit on Your Grave. So far, from what I can tell there have been six The Last Shift themed horror films that include the remake of the first The Last Shift, which I’m  now reviewing as well as The Innkeepers, which I’ve  already reviewed. All these films either have a revenge subplot or a satanic one. They all have ghosts that torture and either drive the female lead insane and eventually lead them to their death and their souls being trapped in the location.

These films are heavy in jump scares and psychological horror. The ghosts start out as looking human and are usually looking for the person to help or theyprovide the person with their stories. But once the story is told they turn malevolent. In the case of this film, Last Shift, as with the original the filmmakers connected the story to a Manson-like cult that swore vengeance on the main character’s family and it is because the lead character who decided to become a police officer, like her father, that puts her into this paranormal powderkeg. This is much like the main character in The Innkeepers with her obsession with paranormal investigation.

Even though a lot of reviewers try to say the acting of the lead actresses of these films are bad, I have to disagree. It is in the end that the performances of these actresses that support the entire production, not just the freaky ghost makeup. Without these actresses going heavy on emotions and making the audience feel the feelings and stress these films wouldn’t work as well as they do. It takes a special actress to go through the amazing about of stress these roles can put an actress through. It is far less as easy as they make it look. In fact I’ve  heard stories that some of these actresses have had to have therapy after finishing one of these films.

So, with all this said, I have to say that the remake of The Last Shift is REMAKETACULAR!!!

Review: Jacob's Wife (2021)

Review:Jacob’s Wife (2021)

By William Pattison

This time I got a feminist vampire movie staring Barbara Crampton…

 

Anne, married to a small-town Minister, feels her life has been shrinking over the past 30 years. Encountering "The Master" brings her a new sense of power and an appetite to live bolder. However, the change comes with a heavy body count.

Now let me start out by saying this review is an update of the original review I did on the original Horror Bob’s Blog on Overblog five years ago, and five years is not that long amount of time for a movie. Unfortunately, this film is not aging at all well, I was actually nice when I originally reviewed this film all those years ago, but years of social justice and “THE MESSAGE” has made me less then sentimental. All the annoying blemishes in this film are now blazingly clear.

This film, which was basically a feninistist Fright Night ripoff has now become far less entertaining and more like nails on a chalkboard. The supposed humor is not at all funny and the big bad in the film, “The Master” is not at all scary and is just a vehicle to lecture in your face about the slavery of women by men…Seriously people! This film makes the remake of Fright Night look fantastic and preferable…and I HATE the Fright Night remake with a passion. This film makes me feel sorry for Barbara Crampton for having to be associated to this turd. The poor woman had to work overtime to hold this production together.

So, unless you have pink, blue, or green hair and haven’t shaved your legs since 2020 you will not enjoy this film. This film is like a teenager who had nasty skin issues…it is full of unattractive pock marks…

So, here is a question…How do you end an update review of an in your face feminist vampire film?  You get in your face…

So it is now time for me to get in YOUR faces. I stopped giving sugar coated reviews years ago after dealing with the crap The Soskas were putting out and reading other review sites saying “This is one of the best films to come out in the last five years. It is not a perfect film but still it is genius…” GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!! It’s  like calling a turd in a punch bowl a Baby Ruth!!! If it is a turd it is a turd. A genius film by calling it such means it is a perfect film. To call an imperfect film genius is to show that you are a complete fucking idiot.A genius film is a film that is perfect and cannot be improved because it is perfect Already. Point made. In your face rant over. Remember that Rue Morgue and Dread Central… Stop shooting yourselves in the foot. You people are getting paid by the fans…I’m  not.

Review: The Laughing Mask (2014)

Review: The Laughing Mask (2014)

By William Pattison

This time I’ve got a film with a bad guy who deserved a better movie…

A grisly murder perpetrated by a deranged killer, Jake Johnson's wife and daughter were murdered by a Psychotic vigilante only known as The Laughing Mask. As the police look for clues and the body count begins to rise, Johnson will play a dangerous game in order to avenge his family' death.

As I said above The Laughing Mask killer definitely deserved a better movie then he got. I really liked this killer, he had potential, That mask alone is iconic. unfortunately he got stuck in this film, even though it bares his name. The problem with this film is the low budget production value and a cast full of uneven and bad performances.  Laughing Mask is too good a character. I really liked the style of the character. But he is stuck in this movie and it is a waste of a good slasher. Oh, well…

So if you want to see a slasher that needs a far better sequel, this is the film you should check out.

You can find this film on Tubi TV and Fawsome…

Review: Mirrormask (2006)

Review: Mirrormask (2006)

By William Pattison

This time I got a dark fantasy that was written by Neal Gaiman, the writer of Sandman….

Helena, a 15-year-old girl in a family of circus entertainers, often wishes she could run off and join real life. After a fight with her parents about her future plans, her mother falls quite ill and Helena is convinced that it is all her fault. On the eve of her mother's major surgery, she dreams that she is in a strange world with two opposing queens, bizarre creatures, and masked inhabitants. All is not well in this new world - the white queen has fallen ill and can only be restored by the MirrorMask, and it's up to Helena to find it. But as her adventures continue, she begins to wonder whether she's in a dream, or something far more sinister.

So, what do you get when you team the Henson company with Neal Gaiman? You get an overflow of unique creativity. This fantasy film is on another level when compared to other films in this genre. This film is actually unique when it comes to the work of Henson because it doesn’t rely on puppetry. I stead this film uses multiple styles of animation to create this world and its creatures. As well the music track for this film is extremely chaotic and experimental. It actually makes the music itself a character in this story.

Neal Giaman explores the concepts of duality as well as identity in that uniquely Giaman way and in that way makes this one of his more intriguing projects. This is one of Giaman’s works that doesn’t seem to get enough love. Mainly because this film is an insane mix of style, twisted creativity, with a strong dose of intellectuality that can be easily missed in all buy multilayered visuals. Still, this is a film you could watch a hundred times and still not catch everything. This one is truly one of Giaman’s best works.

This is a film that is a must see…

 

Review: Meridian, Aka Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990)

Review: Meridian, aka Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing Charles Band’s Beauty and Beast tale that was one of the opening Full .Moon Films.

An American heiress returns to her ancestral Italian castle where a traveling carnival brings performers who hide ancient evil beneath their smiles. Shadows pool in gothic arches as two women drink wine that burns with betrayal, their bodies becoming contested ground between a magician's hunger and a beast's cursed existence. The castle breathes with memory; portraits watch. Catherine moves through corridors where past and present bleed together, her inheritance proving more than stone and title. She must choose between breaking centuries of punishment or preserving her own survival.

 This was the second release from Charles Band’s newly formed Full Moon Pictures, after the popular Puppet Master. This was the only attempt to do a hard core fantasy film by Full Moon. It is also one of the better of the early Full Moon films with its dark fantasy, psycho sexual style

This film features the iconic Italian Park of Monsters, which was also featured in the classic Christopher Lee horror film Castle of the Living Dead. In many ways this film is a sequel to the Lee classic.

Sherilyn Fen plays Catherine, the kove interest of Oliver, aka The Beast. This film features an intense sex scene between Catherine and The Beast as well as a rape scene with Charlie Sprdling, who plays Catherine*s friend and will be the future Full Moon spokes girl.

Also, the beast costume was so well constructed that years later Francis Ford  Coppella reused it with a few minor alterations in Bram Stocker’s Dracula.

The only unfortunate thing about this film is the ending is so predictable and fast that it is so unsatisfying given the rest of the film. Also, unfortunate is that Full Moon bever did another dark fantasy film. The only film even close to this film is castle Freak and it is not even close to the style of this film.

So, if you want to see a rare attempt by Charles Band to do dark fantacy this is your film.

Review: Frankenstein Island (1981)

Review; Frankenstein Island (1981)

By William Pattison

This time I got a 1981 Frankenstein film that stars John Carradine

Frankenstein Island (1981)

When a hot air balloon crashes on a remote island, the crew discovers Dr. Frankenstein's descendant, Dr. Sheila Frankenstein, carrying on the family work, along with a race of mutants and a population of Amazon warriors. Somehow, the Frankenstein Monster is also thrown into the mix.

If there was ever a film that entiplifies the word absurd this is the film. The fact that this film was made and came out in the era that brought us Star Wars and ET shows just how insane this film is because this film is literally a film that is out of time. It is a film that should have come out on the late 60s, not 1981. The production values, music, storyline, andacting look at least 15 years out of date .

One time horror icons John Carradine and Cameron Michelle had to have been royally in need of money to have accepted the roles they ended up with. John Carradine plays Doctor Frankenstein, who is now a cult leader who has died and cames back as a projectíon who spouts monologues. Cameron Mitchelle plays a crazy man who spouts quotes from Edgar Allen Poe and morns his dead Lenore and stalks one of the tribal women that supposedly looks like her

Oh, and Frankenstein’s monster shows up atOne point for no good reason, but it is the best part of the movie bevause the gentleman who was playing the monster did a picture perfect performance of the classic James Whales Frankenstein monster. Boris Karloff what be proud. Unfortunately, the rest of the film is just plain weird and badly acted and produced. This film is FRANKENFREAKY and you will need a ton of pot and acid to make sense of this funky throwback to the time when hippies ruled the world…in no ways an 80s film…

 

Revíew: The Last Frankenstein (2021)

Review: The Last Frankenstein (2021)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing an independent low budget Frankenstien film I’ve never heard about, which is rare…Oh boy!

Buried in a dormant life and a dead end relationship, Dr. Jason Frankenstein, the last of his family, finds himself frustratingly approaching the middle of his life with little progress to show towards carrying forward his family's experiment. But after a creature from his past brutally re-enters his life, he is catalyzed to finally complete his work. With the help of a pair of drug dealing paramedics and a nurse with a shady past, he sets down the blood-soaked path to create a living being from the bodies of the dead.

Now just to let you know I’m a Frankenstein fanatic. I love Frankenstein films. I love a serious Frankenstein film. I love tacky, freaky Frankenstein films. I’ve  never found a Frankenstein film that didn’t entertain me, until today…

This film is a boring, slow paced, mess with no talent, except for the poor camera man who did an excellent job shooting this turd. The acting is wooden. The main character and the guy playing him is a hopeless loser. Seriously, this guy played the part with no heart at all. He was just speaking lines. He is supposed to be married but there was nothing there. And, when it came down to it it was the same with even the guys playing the creatures in the film, though the last one did a little better, which isn’t saying much.

And, speaking about the creatures, they were all guys wearing cheap masks. There was no real attempt at making a creature worthy of the name Frankenstein.

To put it simply this film was a horrible waste of time and a blatant insult to the title of Frankenstein. This film is royally FRANKENSHIT!!! Avoid like the plague..

Review: Hellraiser Rebute (2022)

Review: Hellraiser Rebute (2022)

By William Pattison

Ok, now we finish our marathon of Hellraiser reviews with the Hulu Hellraiser Rebute.

Haunted by pain and guilt, Riley has struggled for years to break her addictions. After a heated argument with her brother, she and her boyfriend stumble upon a mysterious box in an abandoned storage warehouse. Convinced they have struck gold, their early retirement plan takes a dark turn when Riley unwittingly unlocks its secrets. Suddenly, people around her start to vanish or die. As she uncovers a disturbing connection between the artefact and a shady American investor with a penchant for the occult, Riley uncovers a terrifying truth: the enigmatic object serves as a gateway for the Hell Priestess and the Cenobites. With exquisite suffering as the ultimate reward, what if one person's angels are another's demons?

After the disastrous period Hellraiser needed a well deserved Rebute and Hulu has done this brilliantly.

For one thing they have given us reimagined Cenobites that far more resemble the ones in Clive Barker’s bovella. Their “clothing” is actually made from their own skin. The Hell Priest is actually played by  transsexual actress, Jamie Clayton,  makes her Pinhead not really either gender, like in the.story. all the other Cenobites, including an updated Chatterer are some of the best put on screen in years.

Even the iconic puzzle box is updated. Now the box marks its victims by cutting them and drawing blood. Also this box radically changes its shat with each use. As well in this version of the puzzle also requires sacrifices as well. And, at the end the survivor of the puzzle gets a choice of fates, but in this game nothing is as expected.

What this film strongly reminds me of is the remake of Evil Dead in that it is clearly Hellraiser but it is enhanced and in some ways more brutal. It is the perfect Rebute after all the damage done to the franchise by Dimension. I really see if handled by the correct hand this could lead to Hellraiser being better than ever. The pain could be wonderous!

If you are a Hellraiser fan, this is the film you’ve been waiting years for.

 

Review: Hellraiser Judgement (2018)

Review: Hellraiser Judgement (2018)

By William Pattison

Now it is my pleasure to review the final Dimension Hellraiser film.

Hellraiser: Judgment (2018)

 

Detectives Sean and David Carter are on the case, to hunt down a gruesome serial killer terrorising the city. Joining forces with Detective Christine Egerton, they dig deeper into a spiralling maze of horror that may not be of this world. Could the judgement awaiting the killer's victims also be waiting for Sean and can he survive Leviathan’s Cult of Judgement?

I am of two minds when it comes to this film. I really find the new group of Cenobites, The Cult of Judgement, interesting and a breath of fresh. I also like that in this film we firmly establish that there is more than one Hell Priest in Hell since the one in the cult is clearly not the Pinhead we’ve known, which also helps my head canon with Hellraiser Revelations and the fat Pinhead.

I really like the Hell Proest in this film. He is a lot like our old Pinhead but there are enough differences, shit his costume is different. He seems to be Leviathan’s contact person between it and the cult. I really liked that.

I also liked the unique way the cult serves Leviathan. Their methods and goals are different from The Gash. They seduce extremely evil people and through putting them through the tests of Judgement they determine if the person’s soul is worthy of Hell. A plain old naughty person isn’t enough. They want prime evilness to brim to their master, basically they are the Gordon Rameses of Hell. Good stuff in my book.

What I hated about this film was that the serial killer in this film was a carbon copy of the killer in SEVEN. Come on people! You give us a total new group of Cenobites but get cheap with the killer. I was pissed and disappointed when I saw this. This film could have saved Hellraiser and steered it in a new direction with a new set of Cenobites. Also, in this film they brought in the angels and did something very interesting with that plot line, but spoilers… let’s  just say Heaven isn’t put in a good light.

The ending of this film was a lost opportunity that would have made an interesting next film, but allas.

All in all as a Hellraiser film this one is ok. It kind of reminded me of the original Hellraiser comics where they played with the mythos in interesting ways. But this film does not have the strength nor brutalness to reenergize the series. We’d  have to wait for the reboot for that…

 

 

Review: Hellraiser Revelations (2011)

Review:Hellraiser Revelations( 2011)

By William Pattison

This time we got the first domension Hellraiser film to get a theatrical release, unfortunately..

Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)

 

In search of adventure, American friends Steven and Nico document their road trip to Tijuana on camera. However, they are in for a nasty surprise. At a local bar, a stranger gives them a puzzle cube, promising extraordinary experiences to those who can solve it. Instead, the two friends vanish without a trace. A year later, their grieving relatives gather for dinner, having long abandoned hope of ever seeing their boys again. Pretty soon, they discover firsthand that some doors are best left closed. With disturbing raw footage revealing that pain is the ultimate pleasure, and the interdimensional Cenobites at their doorstep, are they prepared for an eternity of suffering at Pinhead's hands?

The only good thing about this film is it was a film meant to be a Hellraiser film. The bad part was this film was only made to keep the Hellraiser copyright with Dimension. The production was rushed and the budget was cut so bad that this film actually looks like a bad fan film. Also because the budget was cut they only offered Doug Bradley the insulting amount of only $3,000 to play Pinhead. Doug told them to shove it. He had had enough.

So, Dimension hired actor Stephen Smith Collins for the part of Pinhead. This was a mistake because Collins bore no resemblance to Bradey in voice,  facial structure, or even body type.on top of that because of the budget Collins wore a  cheap Pinhead costume that was actually rented from a costume shop making him look fat in the illfitting outfit. The other Cenobites didn’t care better. The Chatterer wore a cheap mask that didn’t allow his teeth to   chatter. The only new Cenobyte the Nailhead had to wear an extra production Chatterer body suit that didn’t fit.

Though the film was clearly a Hellraiser scrip it didn’t expand the mythos and in fact reused ideas from Hellraiser and Hellbound.

The acting in the film matched the fan film quality of the rest of the production.

So, just to end the pain, if you love fan films you might get a bit of enjoyment, but if you are looking for a true Hellraiser experience it’s time to bring out those mind altering drugs yet again…NOW IT’S A PARTY!!!

Review: Hellraiser Hellworld (3005)

Review: Hellraiser Hellworld (2005)

By William Pattison

This time I have yet another of those incredible direct to video Hellraiser films…

 

A group of teenagers have become big fans of the latest Hellraiser video game -- so much so that they create a tribute website called "Hellworld.com," which simulates a digital Lament Configuration in cyberspace. However, Pinhead is not at all happy with this turn of events, and decides to take action against the them, luring them to a party where their frightening fantasies become a far more disturbing reality.

This is yet another attempt by Dimension  to reuse an unused script in their archive and paste on Hellraiser elements to create a Frankenmovie.

·       The original script that became Hellworld was a story about a father getting revenge on the kids who he blamed for the death of his videogame adicted son. Nothing Hellraiser was involved in the film originally and it really shows in the finished product. This film would be the last film to feature Doug   Bradley as Pinhead. The problem is the Pinhead in this film doesn’t act at all like the  Cenobyte we know. This Pinhead is just a boring killer who doesn’t even really tortures his victims. Pathetic. The real Cenobytes show up at the end but Dimension actually used already used footage from Hellraiser Deader in this film to save money. Pathetic.

If you are a Hellraiser fan, don’t waste your time. Worse yet is the fact that this is the sad ending for Doug Bradley as Pinhead. The reason why is because Dimension gave him a disgusting low amount to play on this film and then offered him an insulting amount for the next one.

So, as stated before, don’t waste your time. This film is garbage and is in no way a true Hellraiser…

 

Review: Hellraiser:Hellseeker (2002)

Review: Hellraiser Hellseeker (2002)

By William Pattison

This time I’m doing yet another direct to video Hellraiser movie that not only features Pinhead, but Kirsty Cotton…Oh boy...

Bizarre hallucinations and disturbing erotic nightmares haunt amnesiac Trevor Gooden after a car accident under mysterious circumstances leaves him hospitalised and his wife, Kirsty, missing. Now, the visions grow in number and intensity, but so do the unanswered questions. To piece the puzzle together, Detectives Lange and Givens are on the case, but they sense that something is off. After all, Gooden has been giving off mixed signals since day one. But lust, greed, and deception have already opened the gate for the Cenobites to take believers on another journey to the barren landscapes of pain. As Pinhead answers the box's call, years after Hellraiser (1987), pure evil casts the bait, and a sinister machination begins to unfold. However, what happens to those who seek hell, and darkness responds?

This film is yet another example of Dimension reusing the concept of an already made and popular film and threwing a Hellraiser covering on it. This time they used the concept from the film Jacob’s Ladder. This film was so much a copy of Jacob’s I easily predicted the ending of the film. The only good part of the film was when Kirsty confronts Pinhead and makes yet another deal with him. Quite literally that is the only good part of the film because it is a complete and utter rip off of Jacob’s Ladder.right down to this film even having a chiropractor scene, except the chiropractor turns out to be Pinhead. Of all the direct to video Hellraiser this one most annoyed me because I was excited when Kirstywas going to be in this one. I was horribly disappointed and felt like I was made a fool. This film just plain angers me. They had an opportunity to finish Kirsty’s storyline and Dimension did this insult to the fans. Be smart, either avoid like the plague or put the DVD in the microwave and destroy it. You will save yourself pain worse than Hell…

Review: The Others: Doom from Space (2026)

Review: The Others; Doom From the Stars (2026)

This time I’m reviewing a new film that is inspired by H P Lovecfaft…

2065 - Earth is establishing bases in space. When one station detects an unusual object and launches a probe at it, everything changes. People are hearing voices in their sleep and public transmissions from our space bases are halted.

0k, I have to says as a sci Fi fan and a lover of Lovecraft l was royally disappointed by this film. This film would have made a very palitable radio drama but as a feature film it was a headache causing slog to watch. The reason why is this film is all just talking heads. It is all communications, news reports, and ,amusingly, podcasts by people from the year 2065 talking, and I  do mean TALKING, about the great Old Ones from the writings of H P Lovecraft invading peoples dreams and a “Thing” coming to Earth.

Now, we don’t actually see anything of this thing coming to Earth. All we see is people talking about it.

 The filmmakers do put up a few scenes of people rioting and a few lovely space scenes of stars, But all else is people talking  rather than any action, which is a big no no in a science fiction feature film.

They also bonk the viewer on the head insessiantly with a blue triangle logo with a one in the middle of it.This actually got horribly annoying for me after a while.

Another annoying aspect of this film which it shares with films of its type, like Unfriended, is it tells the viewer what is happening rather than showing it, which it I  guess couldn’t do due to budgetary constraints. Unfortunately, films are supposed to be a visual medium and this doesn’t work well given the format, Thus causing the film to be a boring slog of never ending dialogue.

In the end I found this a hard film To watch and I doubt you’re average horror, sci fi, or Lovecraft fan is going to find much enjoyment from this film. But if you are one of the one percent of the fans that absolutely love a talking head film I say go for it. For everybody else this would be a party with a lot of mind altering drugs and lots of booze…Yep… NOW IT’S A PARTY!!! NOT!!!!

L

Also, I’m sorry to the gentleman who gave me the screener for the film, but you wanted an honest review and I gave it to you.

Oh, and also to my audience for subjecting you to this namateur production.

Oh, also one last thing..it is a first year film school mistake made by D grade filmmakers that they tell action instead of showing it. Usually by the time these students graduate class they get over such a juvenile mistakes, But, some don’t unfortunately. It  on the endshows the quality of the filmmaker. But, of course it is those D graders who deny this fault. That is why Sci Fi is in such a pathetic state for the most part. Have yourself a nice day.

 

Review; Hellraiser Deader (2005)

Review: Hellraiser Deader  (2005)

By William Pattison

This time I got yet another Hellraiser film from Dimension’s notorious steaight to video era…

The cenobites are back and they're bringing an army of the dead to create hell on earth. After viewing a mysterious videotape showcasing a shocking act of death and resurrection, undercover reporter Amy Klein soon learns of an underground group who possesses the power to restore life to the dead. Soon deeply entangled in the group's malevolent experiments with the afterlife, Amy finds herself caught in a life-or-death struggle that threatens to tear her soul apart.

·       This film was not supposed to be a Hellraiser film and you can tell as the synopsis Above clearly shows. The cenbytes and Pinhead are just thrown into the film. There is clearly no real connective Material between the HellraIser elements and the original Deader material. So, the film is a confusing mess that doesn’t work with the Hellraiser mythos.

·       Keri Whulur, who plays the journalist in this film does the best she caan with the confusing material and actual puts out a decent performance.

·       If it wasn’t for Dimension playing games in order to do a money hall, instead of respecting any of the material, Deader might have turned out to be a good thrilller, but instead it is a mess that stands out on the Hellraiser franchise and doesn’t please any film watcher.

·       My suggestion is just  avoid this film if you are looking for a Hellraiser film because it really isn’t. If you want a true Hellraiser experience, then watch the first four films.

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Review; Hellraiser Inferno (2000)

Review: Hellraiser V: I Inferno (2000)

By William Pattison 

This time I’m reviewing the fifth film in the Hellraiser franchise…

A shady police detective becomes embroiled in a strange world of murder, sadism and madness after being assigned a murder investigation against a madman known only as "The Engineer".

This is the fifth and first of the unfortunate direct to video Hellraiser films Dimension produced. Most of these were 

Hellraiser versions of already done films like Jacob’s Latter (Hellraiser 6) and I produced reused scripts (Hellraiser 7). This film is actually a retelling of the film Angel Heart.

Craig Sheffer is not bad as the corrupt detective Joseph, the ususpecting target of Hell and Pinhead.

Also, this film features some very interesting Cenobbytres, including The Wire Twins (that I amusingly call The Soska Cenobytes) and The Torso (a variation on The Chatterer Cenobyte).

All in All this is one of the most watchable of these later Hellraisers, but is is far inferior to Hellraiser Bloodline, which came before it. Also, though Penhead appears in this film it is barely more than a cameo at the end.

In the end though this film is ok it will be nearly ten years before fans would get a Hellraiser worthy of the   name. The only time I would recommend this film would be if you were bored and couldn’t find a copy of Angel Heart.

Review: The Progity (2019)

Review; The Progity (2019)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing a killer kid movie about an extremely creepy  boy who has the reincarnated soul of a serial killer…and it stars that  creepy kid from Bold and the Beautiful…Oh Joy!!!

More and more, John and Sarah's only child, Miles, is showing signs of genius-level intellect, and an emotional detachment. Alienated and incapable of socialising with kids his age, Sarah brings a now-eight-year-old Miles to the reincarnation expert, Dr Arthur Jacobson, who has a bizarre theory about the origin of the exceptional boy's problems. However, is there a logical explanation for Mile's violent attitude and his increasingly hostile behaviour? Under those dire circumstances, if the doctor is right, can Sarah and John help their son before it's too late?

The kid that plays Miles in this film royally  creeps me out. He has since I first saw him  as the son of the man bun wearing lead designer for Hope for the Future in the soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful. Seriously, this kid makes Gage in Pet Sematary look like a Care Bear. This kid has dolls eyes, they stare into your soul…Mommy!!! This kid make Makully Culkin in The Bad  Seed look cute. He makes Damian in The Omen look nice. I mean DAMN!!! This kid is nasty. Wait until you see what he does to the family dog.

This is a creepy, scary, film that makes you wish for a visit from black eyed kids, because that would be more pleasant.

But if you like brutal, disturbing, horror that will give you nightmares and make you look at your paperboy with suspicion, then this is the film for you. This film is MOMMY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!..

 

 

Review: 11 11 11 (2011)

Review: 11 11 11 (2011)

By William Pattison

This time I got a psychological horror movie by The Asylum…Ugh!!!

11-11-11 (2011)

 

After the death of his wife and child, an author travels to Barcelona to see his estranged brother and dying father, where he learns that his life is plagued by events that occur on 11/11/11.

Ok, if you are looking for a supernatural film that actually makes sense this is not the film for you. The plot of this film makes no sense. There is talk about the number eleven and how it is supposed to be the devil’s  number. I thought 666 was his number? Well, not in this mess. Things happen. Demons appear.  People die.Nothing makes sense. But this film was made by The Asylum, so I think we got a bit of an answer there.

My judgement on this film is don’t watch it unless you love confusion and get off on having a headache.

 

Review: Dread (2009)

Review: Dread (2009)

By William Pattison

 

Three college students , Stephen, Cheryl, and Quad, set out to make a thesis video for one of them about the effect of facing your greatest fear and the dread it causes, but Quade, Stephen's friend, takes the study too far, manipulating and torturing the other two as well as some of their already damaged classmates, to mask the dread that results from his own fears.,

This is an excellent adaptation of the source story from Clive Barker’s Books of Blood anthology book series, but what can you expect because Clive wrote the screenplay.

 It takes the brutality of the source material and puts it in the face of the audience with no holds barred.

Shaun Evens does an excellent job as the sadomassacististic Quade. Hanne Sheen  is also good as the unfortunate Cheryl who ends up being Quade’s prime  victim.

This film is prime splatter punk gold and I highly recommend it.

Review: Dreamscape (1985)

Review: Dreamscape (1985)

By William Pattison

This time I got an 80s Sci Fi thriller about psychic assassins that kill through dreams…

Alex Gardner is a flawed man. But above all else, he possesses a rare gift--a powerful psychic ability. After reuniting with his former mentor, Alex joins a government-funded project aimed at helping troubled patients pinpoint the root of their issues by projecting himself into their subconscious. However, as Gardner catches the attention of a corrupt agent, a sinister plan comes into play, threatening humankind's future. Now, in a mysterious world beyond dreams and nightmares, Alex finds himself entangled in a dangerous cat-and-mouse game filled with intrigue and murder. Will the psychic detective survive the dreamscape?

This film is from an unfortunately short period in the 80s when Hollywood used the urban legend of the time about the government And it’s enemies using the human psyche as a weapon. During this period beside the film we are discussing there is the films Brainstorm and Scanners that are prime examples of this period.

Denis Quade is excellent as Alex Grademer, the flawed psychic who must become a better man in order to stop the murder of the president by the psychic assassin Billey Ray.

Mex Von Scido plays the corrupt inventor of the technology that could benefit society but instead is being used for murder.

The practical fx is a prime example of the outstanding creativity and just visual brilliance of the time.

The story is exciting as well as being disturbing in the message it conveys, a hallmark of great 80 science fiction.

So, if you want to see some great 80s Sci fi that makes you think but is still a thrill to your senses this is the film for you…

 

Review:The Bride (1986)

Review: The Bride(1985)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing the semi sequel to The Bride of Frankenstein, but not the more recent feminist 2026 reimagining. Nope I’m reviewing the original 1986 version…the good one…

After the creation of his creature, Dr. Frankenstein researches and creates the perfect woman, Eva, to be the mate of the creature. However, the anxiety of the creature creates havoc in the laboratory, which is burnt down and explodes, killing Frankenstein's assistants, Dr. Zahlus and Paulus. Dr. Frankenstein believes the creature also perished, but he has escaped to the woods. He soon meets and make friends with the dwarf Rinaldo, who gives him the name Viktor, and invites him to work in a circus in Budapest. Meanwhile, Frankenstein and his housekeeper, Mrs. Baumann (Geraldine Page), teach Eva how to behave and to be independent. One day, Frankenstein introduces Eva to the high-society, telling her that she was an amnesic found in the woods and has become his protégée. Frankenstein becomes obsessed with Eva, while she and Viktor have a strange connection. What will happen to Eva?

As, I stated above I find this film the superior and definitive sequel to James Whales Bride of Frankenstein.

Yes, in this version the actual creator of the bride, aka Eva, is Doctor Frankenstein, rather than a feminist woman. But in this version Frankenstein is actually trying to create essentially a feminist woman. He wants to create an independent woman who would be his mental equal…Yes, this Doctor Frankenstein, who is played by Sting, is an egotistical asshole. He wants his idea of the perfect woman. Oh, but of course since he made her she is his property. Indeed the monster in this film is Doctor Frankenstein himself and in fact all the supposed “normal” people presented in this film.

Eva, who is played by Flash Dance’s Jeniffer Beales is night and day from James Whales Bride and her 2026 reimagining. She is actually a very beautiful,innocent, soft spoken, girl. In this production. She is really nothing outstanding except that she is connected to the creature and at times can feel his emotions. Outside of that she isn’t really that outstanding of a character even though she is the titled character. But in fact that is what the filmmaker intended. Still I prefer this bride to her 2026 counterpart.

The creature, who is named Victor (Yes, that is supposed to be the doctor’s name, but for some reason he is named Charles in the film),  played brillantly by Clancy Brown, is a very kind and sensitive soul who often gets in trouble through  ignorance or misperception of other people. The trouble usually starts when *normal people mistreat or try to manipulate him for their own agendas.

The Real key to Brown’s performance is he doesn’t play Victor as the Frankenstein monster, he plays him as Victor, a real person with feelings, wants, desires, loves and hates. It makes Victor more relatable to the audience and a more three dimensional character, much like Mary Shelley’s  original  character.

Along with Victor is his only friend Rinaldo the midget. Rinaldo is the brains of the operation and decides to include his large, strong, friend in his dream of joining the circus as a performer, which ends tragically for Rinaldo.

It is actually the friendship of Rinaldo and Victor that is the heart of this film. It actually steals the show. It sidelines Eva’s storyline for a large part of the film. It is sadly after the death of , in act three, that the film truly becomes about Victor going to find Eva and dealing with his heartless creator.

All Iin all the 1986 The Bride is an entertaining and well made film that doesn’t lecture you or hit you over the head with an agenda or a message. Just a good good horror film made during a time when the film industry knew its job, to entertain people with good stories and good characters. That’s what I look for in movies…

 

Review:Wicked Season (2024)

eview: Wicked Season (2024)

By William Pattison

This times I got a slasher thriller with a scarecrow killer…fun time…

Three detectives follow the trail of a copycat serial killer to an abandoned insane asylum, only to find they've been lured there by something far more sinister.

I should have known when I found out that this film was from Uncorked that it was going to be a stinker.

This film started out interesting story about a scarecrow masked killer and an Abandoned asylum but it quickly degenerated into a demonic mess. Our near killer disappears and we are stuck with a bunch of demon possessions and a confusing plot that has you scratching your head. I was not happy at all with this film. It was a waste of my time and I say avoid like the plague if you are smart…

Revew: Transmutations, Aka I dnderworld (1985)

Review: Transmutations, aka Underworld (1985)

By William Pattison

This time I got Clive Narker’s first attempt as a screnwriter to release a feature film for distrobution…

Underworld (1985)

Anonymous

When high class hooker Nicole is kidnapped from her brothel, Rich businessman Hugo Motherskille hires her ex love Roy Bain to find her. Investigating the disappearance, he eventually finds traces that lead to Dr. Savary, who has produced a strange white powder that's coveted by a race of deformed human beings who live in the underworld in the sewers below the city.

This film predates Barker’s novel about an underground community of freaks and monster and has been long considered a precursor to Barker’s novel Cabal that was the source for his film Nightbreed.

U fortunately Barker has for years disowned this film as well as RAwhead Rex because the production company made changes to both films that Barker didn’t approve of.

Personally I really love this film. I love the style and a just love feel and even the music.

The actress playing Nicole has a very unique and attractive look to me. So unique that I naturally did a portrait of her that I ended up selling for $1000 at a charity auction.

The quest for Roy Bain, the main character to find Nicole, who is the love of his life, who also has the strange power of allowing people to experience their deepest desires is the heart of the film though Nicole is barely given ten minutes of screen time. The rest is  Roy Bain going from the world of the sex trade into a strange world of illegal experimentation, drugs, and human mutation.

This film also has a hard edged English Goth and Punk feel sprinkled into it. As well the music by the Welsh band  Freur ebich really stuck with me, especially the end theme, Remember me.

All and all this film is a unique experíence that for me even with its flaws outshines even Nightbreed to me. I don’t know if you will get the same impression, but it is more than with your time if you are interested in Seeing Barker’s work pre-Hellraiser…

Review: The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Review: The Midnight Meat Train

By William Pattison

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This time I got a film adaptation of a well known  Clive Barker story…

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

 

Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

 

The photographer Leon lives with his girlfriend and waitress Maya waiting for a chance to get in the photo business. When Maya contacts their friend Jurgis, he schedules a meeting for Leon with the successful owner of arts gallery Susan Hoff; she analyzes Leon's work and asks him to improve the quality of his photos. During the night, the upset Leon decides to wander on the streets taking pictures with his camera, and he follows three punks down to the subway station; when the gang attacks a young woman, Leon defends her and the guys move on. On the next morning, Leon discovers that the woman is missing. He goes to the police station, but Detective Lynn Hadley does not give much attention to him and discredits his statement. Leon becomes obsessed to find what happened with the stranger and he watches the subway station. When he sees the elegant butcher Mahogany in the train, Leon believes he might be a murderer and stalks him everywhere, in the beginning of his journey to the darmess…

This film is pure splatterpunk gold. It is brutal, psychologival, tense, and loaded with plot and characterisation. This is not a film beginning horror fans, this is for the fans that like their horror bloody,extra gory, and just plain violent. This is Barker’s work at it’s  most nasty and this director captures it perfectly.

If you are a Barker fan this is the adaptation for you.

Review: Gallery of Horror (1977)

Review: Gallery of Horror(1967)

By William Pattison

 

John Carradine narrates five horror tales, each with a comically predictable surprise ending. In the first, "The Witches Clock" (sic), The Farrells have purchased an old mansion in Salem Massachusetts, and are warned by the town doctor, Finchley, of the history of witches in the community, and the old clock which they brought up from the attic. Then an old man named Tristram Halbin comes for a visit. The second story, "King of the Vampires" deals with a slight-figured killer, called the King of the Vampires by Scotland Yard, which sends Brenner to investigate. The third, "Monster Raid," is about a man turned zombie when he OD's on his experimental drug, who returns to avenge his death at the hands of his widow and her lover-now husband. "Spark of Life" deals with a doctor Mendell obsessed with the experiments of a thrown-out professor named Erich von Frankenstein, and two of his students who try to restore a cadaver to life. "Count Alucard" (called "Alucard" by Carradine and "Dracula: on the end credits, is a variation on the Dracula story, with the Count acquiring the deed to Carfax Abbey from Harker, as vampiresses and dead bodies start turning up. It, too, has a surprise ending unrelated to Stoker.

This film is a complete mess that even having John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr couldn’t  save.

The stories are badly written and acted l. The only good parts, and they aren’t that good is John Carradine’s monologues before each story.

The final story is an off narrative adaptation of Dracula:Guest with bad dialogue and a surprise ending that comes out of right field.

As a lover of classic anthologies I was horribly disappointed.There is not even a gallery on the damn film. This film is actually worse than the film I thought got the prize for bad anthology film, The Monster Club, this is far worse. All hail the worst classic anthology film, and it is a complete STINKER!!! You want an anthology with an actual gallery in it watch Night Gallery, it’s  worlds better.

Review; The Haunting of Blithlow zHouse 2018

Review: The Haunting of The Whitlow House

By William Pattison

This time who got a tale of a haunted house…

Two passionate entrepreneurs sink all their resources into a "haunted" house with the hope of turning it into a profitable horror attraction. The young couple soon realizes that the horrific stories surrounding the house's sinister history are not only true, but deadly.

Ok, let’s just pull the bandage off and let the pain begin. I suggest you watch Hell House LLC and toss this badly made ripoff in the toilet because it is complete and utter DOGSHIT.Don’t waste your time, t’s my job.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review:Don't Look Away 2023

Eview: Don’t Look Away

By William Pattison

This time we got a freaky supernatural film that is shot in hyper reality and features a killer maniquin…Yeah, now it’s a party!!!

Don't Look Away (2023)

 

After a gang of criminals unintentionally unleashes a supernatural force onto the world, a young woman named Frankie is convinced she's being stalked by a killer mannequin. Frankie soon realizes that her friends are in jeopardy too. She must find the man who holds the key to stopping the killings, but Frankie knows that once you see the mannequin, there may be no end in sight, except for your own.

 Have to say that this is one of the freakier films I’ve  seen in years. This film is shot in a kind of hyper reality. The photography, the pacing, the color scheme, even the movements of the background actors even the use of tinkling bells in the music track enhance this style choice by the director. The only anomaly in this mind screwing process in the main character, Molly. The actress that plays her does an amazingly subtle performance. For long periods she doesn’t even speck yet through expression and movements conveys emotíons.

The paranormal force that appears as a freaky maniquin is creepy in its lack of motion yet it still manages to take out Molly’s assocoates one by one.

This film is one massive head trip that will blow your mind.

I don’t need to say more than this film is AWESOMETACULAR!!!

Review: Ouija A New Beginning

Review: Ouija A New Beginning

By William Pattison

 

This time I got this installment in the Ouija franchise.

Ouija: A New Beginning (2025)

 

Molly Price is a woman on the run, but when her oldest daughter finds a Ouija board and attempts to communicate with her deceased father, she invites the spirit of an ancient witch into her soul and puts the entire family at risk.

For those of you who are those rare Ellissa Dowling fans, this film is your paradise. Not only do you have the nastiest actress in horror (gag!!!), but also she has been cloned…Yes, we got two Ellissaettes to enjoy(triple gag and a puke…). Ellissa has found her perfect part in this film, failed mother and amazingly she is aActually watchable in this role.

Now Ellissaette one makes friends with a young Goth witch and gets a Ouija board. This is when the film becomes interesting..well somewhat. There are no scares in this film. I’m  amazed they found young Elissa kid look a likes with the same lack of acting skills. Yet, this film actually isn’t as bad as Ouija; The Ultimate Evil… but this isn’t good either. This is in fact the ultimate Elissa Dowling film and that is nasty and scary in the wrong way.

So, Ouija A New Beginning is DOG SHIT. Avoid like the plague. My eyes are still hurting…

 

Essay:Clive Barker, The Gash, The Body Politic, And The Scarlet Ghospoles

Essay: CLive Barker, Hrllraiser, and The Scarlett Ghosp0les

By William Pattison

Gore and scares, people! I know it’s been a while, and yes this isn’t a novie review. This is an essay on a subject I’m interested in talking about and about a time when this genre was a lot more friendly and was open to everyone. It was a time when artistsWere more interested in looking at what we share rather than differences. We would converse with fellow artists with Interest rather than looking for fault. It was s different time that I miss. I’ve lost way too much since then. I look at our genre with a lot of sadness and disappointment. I wait for a return for all fandom.

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1.      ThiRty years ago, during the short period of The Web Mssters. You know when websites were liked by the huge Webmasters webbring system…before they went bankrupt and died a quick and horrible death. At that time I was a known and respected webmaster of       Webring. I ran, Voorhees Web, the home of the Camp Crystal Lake Books. As part of Voorhees Web Was connections to horror celebrities websites, including Adrian King, Betsy Palmer, Elvira, and of course Clive Barker.  We all had an unwritten agreement  that we would help get each other hits on our sites. It was a more nobeler time, before the dark times and the horror socials. We all supported each other without all the petty politics and agendas,  us and them philiosophy, and it was fun and we were all family then. It was the inspiration for The Wolf Pack.

Clive’s webmaster webRing was run by his bff and lover Barnabus.  He did the majority  Of  Clive’s promotion from there. It was there after I watched Hellraiser Bloodline, I was one of the few people who actually enjoyed it, and still do. Clive opened up to me about Hellraiser, The Gash, the body politic, The Great and Secret Show, and The Scarlett Ghospells. He told me about having a minor stroke and how after the trauma his body awakened and every nerve in his body woke up and he felt everything at once. I realized he was telling me his original  I apiration for The Hellbound Heart, aka, Hellraiser .

Now, thirty years later I truly understand Hellraiser, the Gash, aNd, amazingly The Scarlett Ghospells . Hellraiser is about how pain and life are bound. Life is pain And pain gives meaning to life.byou can’t live without pain. Pain and sacrifice is the way to power and knowledge.

The reason why is because last night over a week after heart surgery my body awoke on me. Every nerve in my body went off at once. I truly felt my body and my surroundings. I connected to all the hurting peóple around me. I  felt the blood flowing through me, my organs, even the remains of my lunch for the last two days stuck in my teeth. I wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. I truly felt alive. Then I remembered Frank in Hellbound Heart and it all became clear. I truly understand Clive Barker and his work. Now I understand the mistakes people made after Hellraiser 4. You need to experience what Clive and I and a few others I know have. You need to understand that life is a giant joke without a punchline. Life is about life, nothing more. Simple. Easy.  We are players on a stage. That’s  all.

The Gash represented the ones who know it represented the people In The British social scene that were big into the growing Sand M/Punk scene who were experimenting in pleasure and pain in that restrictive society. But Hellraiser is more than than just kink fantasy, but I don’t suggest you give your self a heart attack and have open heart surgery to find out the truth

Review: Isle of the Dead (2016)

Review: Isle of the Dead (2016)

By William Pattison

 

This time I’m reviewing a zombie film done by my buddies at The Asylum. Oh joy…

A military squad is sent to a deserted island in the Pacific Ocean in order to secure top secret records involving a zombie epidemic that wiped out the large scientific team experimenting with various test chemicals and toxins which leads to the team battling not only zombies, but the lone surviving scientist who has plans for the future of the human race.

For those of you not is the know The Asylum is best known for their outrageous Sharknato films and their Mockbusters… basically crap films. Films that are shot in three to four days with budgets of 80s sitcoms. These are simple garbage popcorn films that you watch for stars that are ready to retire, horrible acting film school CGI, but with a lot of heart and an understanding that this is cheap snack food and the films you get when you are drunk or in a hurry and quickly grab the first thing that remotely sounds like the hot blockbuster. It is no different here.

This film is a feast of tacky zombie fun with bad acting…they dare call these losers a Seal team…, lots of mindless zombie attacks, and of course no morality in the story, just lots of machine gun fire, mindless violence, and gallons of fake blood. Fun for any zombie movie fan and something The Asylum does well.

If you love a good bloody zombie film with lots of killing and no one really trying to do a good performance this is the film for you and I highly highly recommend it.

 

Review: The Hem (2025)

Review: The Hem (2025)

By William Pattison

Ok, I got you yet another found footage film…

A documentary crew investigates a haunted church on the verge of collapse with one condition: they must be out by dark. Unfortunately for them, they get locked in and must face the terror the night brings.

Sadly, this film is a by the numbers found footage film with nothing to it that makes it special or in any way interesting.

The location looks like any other abandoned building. The place is supposed to be a church but I don’t  get a church feel from it. There is nothing at all that says this was a church. It could literally be an old office building. On top of that you get a very sparce outline of the history of the place.

None of the characters stand out. You just don’t  give a shit about them because they are complete strangers.

The sequence with the police cam footage look AI generated. I’m  serious, it looks fake as shit.

The only positive thing  I have to say about this film is it didn’t have any shaky cam, like too many of these films have.

And come on (spoiler) you end up finding out the evil is a haunted wedding dress. That made me shake my head and regret considering watching this film. The title should have given me a clue. Poor me.

Finally, in regard to spooky stuff there is only a couple of things and they happen so fast you don’t  have time to even acknowledge anything’s happened.

So, all and all if you are not obsessed with found footage and could care less about such things as story, characters, or actual scared you might void this film.

If not it’s on Tubi TV.

Review: Devil's Revenge (2019)

Review: Devil's Revenge (2019)

By William Pattison

 

Oh boy, this time I’m reviewing a horror film with William Shatner in it…

John Brock is a down-on-his-luck archaeologist who returns from an expedition to the caves of rural Kentucky after unsuccessfully trying to locate a mysterious relic that his family has sought for generations. Upon his return, John starts to see dream-like visions of a ferocious bird-like creature from ancient folklore. John soon learns that the cave he came into contact with on his last expedition was indeed the cave that contains the relic and also a portal to Hell and a place of worship for the Occult. John discovers that the only way tostop the increasingly realistic visions is to go back to the cave with his family, find the relic once and for all, and destroy it.

Ok, well I went into this film not expecting much and I got my wish.

This film feels like it was written and directed by people who never went to film school. The plot in this film is a muddled piece of Shat. The writing is also Shat. The demons looked ok, but they look like something you’d find walking around a convention. The supposed family in this film didn’t  in any way feel like a family. There was no real atmosphere or even scares…Well, except for William Shatner’s performance as the main character’s father. Bill plays a nasty tempered old man who orders his son into not only risking himself but his family. This was definitely the worst performance of Shatner’s career. It is pure unadulterated Shat. I honestly felt sorry for Star Trek Voyager actress Jeri Ryan for having to be stuck in this Shatfest. Jeri plays the main character’s wife. She plays her way through what was given to her with her usual charm…Poor Jeri.

To put it simply unless you are a stickler for pain or want to see Shatner at his worst I warn you to avoid.

If you want to go against my warning you can find this piece of Shat on Tubi TV. I pity you…