Review: Miss Wilorghby and the Haunted Bookstore (2019)

Review: Miss Willorghby and the Haunted Book Shop (2021)

By William Pattiso

This time I got an amusing paranormal mystery..

Tragically orphaned at a young age, Elizabeth Willoughby inherited her impressive family estate and was raised by retired US Marine, Robert. Under his watchful guidance, her childhood was spent studying strategy, history and literature, all the while mastering the ancient arts of combat. Now an Ancient Civilization professor at University, Willoughby receives a call from family friends, Helen and Oliver Deakins, who have been experiencing a series of hauntings at their antique bookshop. With nobody else to turn to, and knowing Willoughby's insatiable appetite for investigation, Helen asks Willoughby to get to the bottom of this paranormal mystery.

Don’t expect any jump scares, blood, or even cool makeup fx in this film. I’m  a big fan of British style mysteries and that is what this film is. It is a charming mystery movie with interesting characters and an interesting sleuth, this time being Elizabeth “Lizzy” Willoghby.

Lizzy is played to perfection by actress Nathalie Cox and joined by Kelsey Grammar as her guardian Robert Whindgate. Together Cox and Grammar are excellently paired as the sleuth and her “Watson”.

As far as the mystery itself, it is nothing much. It is actually very predictable. I. Fact the ghost in the story really doesn’t  make much of an impression.  Also, the haunted bookshop is only in a couple of scenes. So, don’t  expect any scares. This film isn’t  a horror film, even though it is in the horror section of Fawesome.

When it comes down to it this film is very character forward and mystery is really in the background. It is more about seeing Miss Willoghby doing her thing and just enjoying the characters.

Personally, I would love to see Lizzy and Robert come back for another adventure or even a series of mysteries. This movie was a fun ride.

So, with all this said, get yourself a pot of English tea, some Bangers and Mash, and an English Trifle and sit back and enjoy the show. I know I did…

Review Vivarium (2019)

Review: Vivarium (2019)

By William Pattison

This time I got a film that would put a smile on Rod Sterling’s face…

Aspiring to acquire their dream home, Gemma, a primary school teacher, and her boyfriend, Tom, follow Martin, a creepy real estate agent, to the idyllic suburban development called Yonder. But there, surrounded by identical, picture-perfect houses, the young couple is in for a big surprise--and it is not about the suspiciously affordable price of the pastel-coloured, eerily vacant house. Is house #9, indeed, the ideal home?

This is an incredibly freaky film. The filmmakers found, or might have built one of the most disturbingly plain house in a plain housing project in film history.this place is pleasantville on acid. And even more creepy is there is not a living soul who lives there…well except for the main characters and one of the most creepy creepy kids I’ve  experienced in film with a screech that puts the kid from The Barbadook to shame.

Basically this film is a nilistic representation of the boredom, monotony, and tedium of living in an urban existence, but in a horror and psychological way. It is literally the circle of human life in modern times viewed in an otherworldly manner. It is a show burn for the most part, so don’t  expect monsters or any jump scares. This is a beast of a different type from what most horror fans are used to.

 Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots play Tom and Gemma, the unfortunate couple stuck in the *perfect* community from hell. Also Senan Jennings plays the creepiest creepy boy I’ve  ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot. Also  Eanna Hardwick plays the older boy this son of Satan grows into.

This film is really a work that could have been part of The Twilight zone. It hits heavily in the psychological and gives you clues to what is going on but infact never actually tells you. You literally come out of this film wondering if it was aliens or what the hell was happening. But I can tell you that the ride is enough and you can figure it out in your own head cannon. B

For me it was a trip well taken and one I will happily recommend…

 

 

Review: Neon Maniacs (1987)

Review: Neon Maniacs (1987)

By William Pattison

All right we end our series of iconic films that were made in San Mateo and San Francisco Counties with a film that barely managed to get finished.

Yes, I’m talking about  that amusing monster mash Neon Maniacs.

This film has an awesome concept. It is about a bunch of cool individual monsters and killers from another reality that come to this world to hunt and slaughter. Sounds great. But unfortunately you end up with money picking asshole producers and you get this sad abused piece of cult horror. So, much potential but destroyed by the studio..

This production was riddled with issues that nearly caused the film to not be finished. First off there were originally supposed to be twenty five of the title creatures but the producers ended up having to cut the number of creatures in half due to financial issues. Also one of the maniac actors quit because the production started to cost cut and changed the contracts of the actors. The production found a replacement for the actor but because the makeup and costume department had to rework the character to fit the new actor a bunch of the members of both departments got cut to make up the money. Eventually the incompentant producers cut so much of the production budget they had to cut a lot of the origin scenes for the monsters as well as cut out a lot of the major kill scenes. In the end the film that ended up being produced bore no resemblance to the original script what the filmmaker intended. The entire origin of the Maniacs were cut down to a voice over monologue and a guy finding a bag with Maniac trading cards with the rough hint that the individual creatures came from the cards themselves, even though later thestory has something about a bus and a hinted portal. Anyway, as you can guess this film is a bit of a mess. The creatures are cool and it would have been great if someone had put out Neon Maniac action figures, with the trading cards of course. But as a film this piece of San Francisco film history has a shitload of issues.

His film is a prime example of how fucked up it is to work with producers who don’t understand film production.

Viewers are lucky they managed to get anything near to a coherent film in the end. The scenes they managed to shoot had potential but the film is so Frankensteined together it is loaded with scenes that go against others and are  full of missing info and plot holes. No good.

In many scenes you see the actors struggling with their performances.Yet somehow with everything wrong with this film it is amazingly entertaining in spite of itself. It’s  an interesting hot mess with cool monsters and in the end by some magical bit does the job. What more can I say???

Review: The Video Dead (1987)

Review: The Video Dead  (1987)

For our second iconic horror film that was made in San Mateo and San Francisco counties is one of the most unique zombie films you will ever find…

The writer Henry Jordan receives a mysterious TV set and soon he learns that the apparatus is a gateway through which undead come to the world of the living. They kill Henry and the house is sold to another family. The teenager Zoe Blair comes to house to clean it for her parents that are traveling abroad. Her brother Jeff Blair comes later to help Zoe and finds the TV set in the basement. He brings to his room and out of the blue, the stranger Joshua Daniels knocks on the door. Joshua explains that he sent a TV set mistakenly to that address, instead of to the Department of Occult Warfare. Jeff does not believe in Joshua, but soon he leans the truth about the TV of the undead.

The zombies in The Video Dead are different from any other zombies in film. These are not exactly real zombies. They are characters brought to life and set loose our would through a cursed TV set. These zombies only kill people if they show fear. Also, like anything that comes out of the cursed TV they are afraid of mirrors because when they look into one they can see their lack of a soul. Also, únlike your usual zombie these are highly intelligent and can use tools and weapons to kill people. Also, if you lock the zombies in a room together they go nuts and eat each other.

In the film we see a couple other decisions from the TV. One is the seductrice who tries to seduce the teenaged main character. Also there is The Garbage Man who is a human who found a way inside the TV and has been spending years hunting The Video Dead in the TV world.

Unfortunately the film itself is an unfinished work. A third of the film was never finished due to the fact that the people financing the film pulled their money two thirds of the way through the production. This caused the filmmaker to have to cut out parts of the film that would have better explained certain things in the plot, like The Garbage Man and The Seductress. Still, the filmmaker managed to shoot the origin scenes, and a usable ending. But thankfully through carful editing they managed to put together a complete film, unlike the film in my next review.

All in all The Video Dead is a unique and well done cult classic low budget horror film.

If you are a zombie fan you will not want to miss these zombies…

Review; Nightmare in Blood (1977)

Review: Nightmare in Blood (1977)

By William Pattison

This time I’m review the first of three independent films that were produced in both San Mateo and San Francisco Counties. For the first I have a homage tand love note to tacky, cheesy horror films with this film which was directed, produced, and written by my horror host mentor, John Stanley…

Attendees at a horror-film convention in San Francisco keep disappearing. It turns out that the guest of honor is a real vampire, and his henchmen are kidnapping the convention guests. A horror writer, a Sherlock Holmes fan and an Israeli Nazi-hunter set out to stop him.

If you are a full on horror host show, cheesy classic and iconic classic horror fan this is your film. It was created with pure love by, journalist, horror host, author, movie reviewer, and all out horror and science fiction geek, John Stanley.

John, was the guy at KTVU in San Francisco and in Sacramento who was always sent on assignment to do stories on attraction and movie premieres. Because of this John was well known by theatre and attraction management, so when he decided to make his movie he had a lot of resources to work with in order to give his movie the feel he wanted on a shoestring budget. Maney of the set pieces of this movies feature places like The Fox theatre in Oakland, Pier 39, Madam Truisough’s Wax Musium, and even the studios of KTVU, most notably The Creature Features set.

A lot of The acting and characterizations in this filmare purposely pure tougue in cheek. This film is by a horror geek for horror geeks, so what do you expect.

This film is most definitely a Bay Area film with that very Bay Area feel.

Amusingly, the opening of this film is a firm example ofguarilla filmmaking, literally. John actual had the good luck of being able to film footage frown the Bay Area premiere of the original Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and caught shots of fans running around wearing ape costumes. It was an incredible bit of luck and helped establish that the film took place at a fan convention.

This film is not at all scary, but it is one that you can sit with a bunch of friends and drink a Coke Zero with popcorn with diet butter, because you have to watch the fat and sugar because you are getting old…lol…and just have a good time watching something made for you, you geek!

 

Review:Beyond the Grave (2023)

Review: Beyond the Grave (2023)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing a paranormal documentary abóut rebranding Death..

Beyond the Grave (2023)

 

An investigative journalist researches the mystery of what happens after death. She interviews several people who have had Near Death Experiences, visits a reputed haunted house, and gets a reading by a Medium.

This is an excellent documentary when it comes to the paranormal and the new theories regarding the body and mind during death. This film is full of excellent interviews with people who have had an afterlife and a haunting experience. Some of these interviews are with people I actually know and trust in the paranormal including researcher and person who died and had an out of body experience Peter Anthony. Peter tells his story of how he was rushed to the emergency with blood issuing from his mouth. He is misdiagnosed as being in the final stages of AIDS and was being left to die when Death came for him. Then the documentary goes to Arizona and the headquarters of Alsor and discusses the technology of cryonics. I found this part interesting because my former associate Shane Molher obsessed with cryonics and was actually a member of Alcor. Unfortunately when he died from diabetes the hospital costs took so much a toll on his finances he was unable to get himself cryptically suspended. Amusingly though his cat, Tuffy, was one of the feline subjects of Alcore. Finally, they also included an interview with my dear friend Andrea Peron, who experiences the events depicted in The Conjuring as well as authored the three books in the House of Darkness, House of Light series, which is the true story. She talks about her eleven years living in a haunted farmhouse.

As I stated earlier this is an excellent documentary if you are interested  in the afterlife without having to go through an entire ghost hunt.

The only thing I disagree with the documentary on is the idea that spirits cannot be dangerous. Being a person who has lived in a haunted house and had several paranormal and out of body experiences I know for a fact spirits can be dangerous and can in fact cause the living both mental and physical harm. I know this from actual experience. Same with life after death. So, from experience I agree and disagree with this documentary. I disagree with some of the critics that the film needs a bit of editing, but that is just my informed opinion.

So, all in all I consider this documentary AWESOMTACULAR!!!!

You can find this on Tubi.

Review: 100 Feet (2009)

Review:100 Feet (2008)

By William Pattison

This time I got my number one favorite Ghost film of the past decade, done by the film genius, and that is my informed opinion, Eric Red…

A young woman, Marnie Watson, is granted early release from her prison sentence for manslaughter (killing her husband - a violent NYC cop - in self defense) on condition she wear an electronic ankle bracelet and remain within her home, effectively under house arrest, for the remainder of her sentence. Her late husband's partner keeps tabs on her from a patrol car parked across the street, hoping she'll violate probation and he can send her back to prison. But the 100-foot radius her ankle bracelet allows isn't the worst of her problems.

Now, to start out with, if you want to be completely blown away you need to track down and buy a copy of the Hollywood Video Exclusive Unrated version of this film because the mere two and a half minute of additional footage elevates this film to genius level. You jaw will literally drop and you will be stunned. It is the definition of brutal perfection. It makes Negan’s murderous introduction in The Walking Dead look cute and cuddly by comparison. I kid you not.

So, this is filmmaker, Eric Red’s violent and claustrophobic masterpiece about a woman, played brilliantly by Fanke Jameson, who is trapped in her brownstone where a year before she freaked out and cut the head off her abusive cop husband. She is trapped because she is tethered to the house by an electronic bracelette around her ankle that only allows her to go one hundred feet in any direction or an alarm goes off and she is only allowed one minute to get back into the one hundred toot zone or the police will come and take her to prison. But she is unaware that she is not alone. The vengeful spirit of her husband is also tethered to the brownstone and is going to use her for his personal punching bag.

Also, added into the mix is her husband’s partner who thinks the wife didn’t kill her husband but is being bullied into silence by the “real” killer. As well is a young delivery man who falls for her … but you have to watch the unrated version to truly appreciate his fate.

Eddie and the Cruisers star Michael Pare plays the spirit of the dead husband, but you would not recognize him with the freaky ghost FX that Eric Red Co seals him underneath. You actually only get to get a clear look at him at the very end of the film.

But, when it comes down to it this is Famke’s film and she is literally put through hell throughout this nightmare of a film.

Years ago I had Eric Red on my Podcast, An Awakening of Horror and we spent over two and a half hours discussing this film. Eric praised it as the best interview of his career.

But, I’m not mentioning the interview just to pat myself on the back, though I deserve it. It is because Eric talked about how he manipulated Fanke to get the incredible performance out of her. He literally made her hate Michael Pare and at the end of the shoot she even ended up punching him in the face to get rid of the anger and stress she was under, though for all I know this might be an amusing fiction on Eric’s part. For me, I can believe it.

But once again I heartily suggest you see the uncut version because you

Literally get to see a human being broken into a bag of mush wíth all the yummysnapping and crushing sounds and closeups of limps and

 ribs breaking…spoilers !!!... Now that is a party!!!

 

Review: Last Shift (2014)

Review:Last Shift (2014)

By William Pattison

This time I got a remake of a 1990 film that started the horror subgenre that inspired The Innkeepers.

A Manson-inspired horror film centering around a transitioning police station. Officer Jessica Loren has been assigned to wait for a Hazmat team to pick up bio-hazardous waste from the station's armory. But unbeknownst to Jessica, cult Leader John Michael Paymon has haunted the department ever since he and two of this followers committed suicide a year ago to date. And now, Jessica is about to find out how dangerous they can be when she's left alone on this Last Shift.

 The Last Shift subgenre of horror started actually with the infamous grind house film, Day of the Woman, aka I Spit on Your Grave  In this film a woman must survive against a gang of psychopaths. In 1990 this idea was taken into the ghost genre of horror with the release of the first of many The Last Shift films, which have a woman having to survive being stuck either haunted business or government office location that has had a bloody past… pretty munch The Shining meets I Spit on Your Grave. So far, from what I can tell there have been six The Last Shift themed horror films that include the remake of the first The Last Shift, which I’m  now reviewing as well as The Innkeepers, which I’ve  already reviewed. All these films either have a revenge subplot or a satanic one. They all have ghosts that torture and either drive the female lead insane and eventually lead them to their death and their souls being trapped in the location.

These films are heavy in jump scares and psychological horror. The ghosts start out as looking human and are usually looking for the person to help or theyprovide the person with their stories. But once the story is told they turn malevolent. In the case of this film, Last Shift, as with the original the filmmakers connected the story to a Manson-like cult that swore vengeance on the main character’s family and it is because the lead character who decided to become a police officer, like her father, that puts her into this paranormal powderkeg. This is much like the main character in The Innkeepers with her obsession with paranormal investigation.

Even though a lot of reviewers try to say the acting of the lead actresses of these films are bad, I have to disagree. It is in the end that the performances of these actresses that support the entire production, not just the freaky ghost makeup. Without these actresses going heavy on emotions and making the audience feel the feelings and stress these films wouldn’t work as well as they do. It takes a special actress to go through the amazing about of stress these roles can put an actress through. It is far less as easy as they make it look. In fact I’ve  heard stories that some of these actresses have had to have therapy after finishing one of these films.

So, with all this said, I have to say that the remake of The Last Shift is REMAKETACULAR!!!

Review: Jacob's Wife (2021)

Review:Jacob’s Wife (2021)

By William Pattison

This time I got a feminist vampire movie staring Barbara Crampton…

 

Anne, married to a small-town Minister, feels her life has been shrinking over the past 30 years. Encountering "The Master" brings her a new sense of power and an appetite to live bolder. However, the change comes with a heavy body count.

Now let me start out by saying this review is an update of the original review I did on the original Horror Bob’s Blog on Overblog five years ago, and five years is not that long amount of time for a movie. Unfortunately, this film is not aging at all well, I was actually nice when I originally reviewed this film all those years ago, but years of social justice and “THE MESSAGE” has made me less then sentimental. All the annoying blemishes in this film are now blazingly clear.

This film, which was basically a feninistist Fright Night ripoff has now become far less entertaining and more like nails on a chalkboard. The supposed humor is not at all funny and the big bad in the film, “The Master” is not at all scary and is just a vehicle to lecture in your face about the slavery of women by men…Seriously people! This film makes the remake of Fright Night look fantastic and preferable…and I HATE the Fright Night remake with a passion. This film makes me feel sorry for Barbara Crampton for having to be associated to this turd. The poor woman had to work overtime to hold this production together.

So, unless you have pink, blue, or green hair and haven’t shaved your legs since 2020 you will not enjoy this film. This film is like a teenager who had nasty skin issues…it is full of unattractive pock marks…

So, here is a question…How do you end an update review of an in your face feminist vampire film?  You get in your face…

So it is now time for me to get in YOUR faces. I stopped giving sugar coated reviews years ago after dealing with the crap The Soskas were putting out and reading other review sites saying “This is one of the best films to come out in the last five years. It is not a perfect film but still it is genius…” GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!! It’s  like calling a turd in a punch bowl a Baby Ruth!!! If it is a turd it is a turd. A genius film by calling it such means it is a perfect film. To call an imperfect film genius is to show that you are a complete fucking idiot.A genius film is a film that is perfect and cannot be improved because it is perfect Already. Point made. In your face rant over. Remember that Rue Morgue and Dread Central… Stop shooting yourselves in the foot. You people are getting paid by the fans…I’m  not.

Review: The Laughing Mask (2014)

Review: The Laughing Mask (2014)

By William Pattison

This time I’ve got a film with a bad guy who deserved a better movie…

A grisly murder perpetrated by a deranged killer, Jake Johnson's wife and daughter were murdered by a Psychotic vigilante only known as The Laughing Mask. As the police look for clues and the body count begins to rise, Johnson will play a dangerous game in order to avenge his family' death.

As I said above The Laughing Mask killer definitely deserved a better movie then he got. I really liked this killer, he had potential, That mask alone is iconic. unfortunately he got stuck in this film, even though it bares his name. The problem with this film is the low budget production value and a cast full of uneven and bad performances.  Laughing Mask is too good a character. I really liked the style of the character. But he is stuck in this movie and it is a waste of a good slasher. Oh, well…

So if you want to see a slasher that needs a far better sequel, this is the film you should check out.

You can find this film on Tubi TV and Fawsome…

Review: Mirrormask (2006)

Review: Mirrormask (2006)

By William Pattison

This time I got a dark fantasy that was written by Neal Gaiman, the writer of Sandman….

Helena, a 15-year-old girl in a family of circus entertainers, often wishes she could run off and join real life. After a fight with her parents about her future plans, her mother falls quite ill and Helena is convinced that it is all her fault. On the eve of her mother's major surgery, she dreams that she is in a strange world with two opposing queens, bizarre creatures, and masked inhabitants. All is not well in this new world - the white queen has fallen ill and can only be restored by the MirrorMask, and it's up to Helena to find it. But as her adventures continue, she begins to wonder whether she's in a dream, or something far more sinister.

So, what do you get when you team the Henson company with Neal Gaiman? You get an overflow of unique creativity. This fantasy film is on another level when compared to other films in this genre. This film is actually unique when it comes to the work of Henson because it doesn’t rely on puppetry. I stead this film uses multiple styles of animation to create this world and its creatures. As well the music track for this film is extremely chaotic and experimental. It actually makes the music itself a character in this story.

Neal Giaman explores the concepts of duality as well as identity in that uniquely Giaman way and in that way makes this one of his more intriguing projects. This is one of Giaman’s works that doesn’t seem to get enough love. Mainly because this film is an insane mix of style, twisted creativity, with a strong dose of intellectuality that can be easily missed in all buy multilayered visuals. Still, this is a film you could watch a hundred times and still not catch everything. This one is truly one of Giaman’s best works.

This is a film that is a must see…

 

Review: Meridian, Aka Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990)

Review: Meridian, aka Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing Charles Band’s Beauty and Beast tale that was one of the opening Full .Moon Films.

An American heiress returns to her ancestral Italian castle where a traveling carnival brings performers who hide ancient evil beneath their smiles. Shadows pool in gothic arches as two women drink wine that burns with betrayal, their bodies becoming contested ground between a magician's hunger and a beast's cursed existence. The castle breathes with memory; portraits watch. Catherine moves through corridors where past and present bleed together, her inheritance proving more than stone and title. She must choose between breaking centuries of punishment or preserving her own survival.

 This was the second release from Charles Band’s newly formed Full Moon Pictures, after the popular Puppet Master. This was the only attempt to do a hard core fantasy film by Full Moon. It is also one of the better of the early Full Moon films with its dark fantasy, psycho sexual style

This film features the iconic Italian Park of Monsters, which was also featured in the classic Christopher Lee horror film Castle of the Living Dead. In many ways this film is a sequel to the Lee classic.

Sherilyn Fen plays Catherine, the kove interest of Oliver, aka The Beast. This film features an intense sex scene between Catherine and The Beast as well as a rape scene with Charlie Sprdling, who plays Catherine*s friend and will be the future Full Moon spokes girl.

Also, the beast costume was so well constructed that years later Francis Ford  Coppella reused it with a few minor alterations in Bram Stocker’s Dracula.

The only unfortunate thing about this film is the ending is so predictable and fast that it is so unsatisfying given the rest of the film. Also, unfortunate is that Full Moon bever did another dark fantasy film. The only film even close to this film is castle Freak and it is not even close to the style of this film.

So, if you want to see a rare attempt by Charles Band to do dark fantacy this is your film.

Review: Frankenstein Island (1981)

Review; Frankenstein Island (1981)

By William Pattison

This time I got a 1981 Frankenstein film that stars John Carradine

Frankenstein Island (1981)

When a hot air balloon crashes on a remote island, the crew discovers Dr. Frankenstein's descendant, Dr. Sheila Frankenstein, carrying on the family work, along with a race of mutants and a population of Amazon warriors. Somehow, the Frankenstein Monster is also thrown into the mix.

If there was ever a film that entiplifies the word absurd this is the film. The fact that this film was made and came out in the era that brought us Star Wars and ET shows just how insane this film is because this film is literally a film that is out of time. It is a film that should have come out on the late 60s, not 1981. The production values, music, storyline, andacting look at least 15 years out of date .

One time horror icons John Carradine and Cameron Michelle had to have been royally in need of money to have accepted the roles they ended up with. John Carradine plays Doctor Frankenstein, who is now a cult leader who has died and cames back as a projectíon who spouts monologues. Cameron Mitchelle plays a crazy man who spouts quotes from Edgar Allen Poe and morns his dead Lenore and stalks one of the tribal women that supposedly looks like her

Oh, and Frankenstein’s monster shows up atOne point for no good reason, but it is the best part of the movie bevause the gentleman who was playing the monster did a picture perfect performance of the classic James Whales Frankenstein monster. Boris Karloff what be proud. Unfortunately, the rest of the film is just plain weird and badly acted and produced. This film is FRANKENFREAKY and you will need a ton of pot and acid to make sense of this funky throwback to the time when hippies ruled the world…in no ways an 80s film…

 

Revíew: The Last Frankenstein (2021)

Review: The Last Frankenstein (2021)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing an independent low budget Frankenstien film I’ve never heard about, which is rare…Oh boy!

Buried in a dormant life and a dead end relationship, Dr. Jason Frankenstein, the last of his family, finds himself frustratingly approaching the middle of his life with little progress to show towards carrying forward his family's experiment. But after a creature from his past brutally re-enters his life, he is catalyzed to finally complete his work. With the help of a pair of drug dealing paramedics and a nurse with a shady past, he sets down the blood-soaked path to create a living being from the bodies of the dead.

Now just to let you know I’m a Frankenstein fanatic. I love Frankenstein films. I love a serious Frankenstein film. I love tacky, freaky Frankenstein films. I’ve  never found a Frankenstein film that didn’t entertain me, until today…

This film is a boring, slow paced, mess with no talent, except for the poor camera man who did an excellent job shooting this turd. The acting is wooden. The main character and the guy playing him is a hopeless loser. Seriously, this guy played the part with no heart at all. He was just speaking lines. He is supposed to be married but there was nothing there. And, when it came down to it it was the same with even the guys playing the creatures in the film, though the last one did a little better, which isn’t saying much.

And, speaking about the creatures, they were all guys wearing cheap masks. There was no real attempt at making a creature worthy of the name Frankenstein.

To put it simply this film was a horrible waste of time and a blatant insult to the title of Frankenstein. This film is royally FRANKENSHIT!!! Avoid like the plague..

Review: Hellraiser Rebute (2022)

Review: Hellraiser Rebute (2022)

By William Pattison

Ok, now we finish our marathon of Hellraiser reviews with the Hulu Hellraiser Rebute.

Haunted by pain and guilt, Riley has struggled for years to break her addictions. After a heated argument with her brother, she and her boyfriend stumble upon a mysterious box in an abandoned storage warehouse. Convinced they have struck gold, their early retirement plan takes a dark turn when Riley unwittingly unlocks its secrets. Suddenly, people around her start to vanish or die. As she uncovers a disturbing connection between the artefact and a shady American investor with a penchant for the occult, Riley uncovers a terrifying truth: the enigmatic object serves as a gateway for the Hell Priestess and the Cenobites. With exquisite suffering as the ultimate reward, what if one person's angels are another's demons?

After the disastrous period Hellraiser needed a well deserved Rebute and Hulu has done this brilliantly.

For one thing they have given us reimagined Cenobites that far more resemble the ones in Clive Barker’s bovella. Their “clothing” is actually made from their own skin. The Hell Priest is actually played by  transsexual actress, Jamie Clayton,  makes her Pinhead not really either gender, like in the.story. all the other Cenobites, including an updated Chatterer are some of the best put on screen in years.

Even the iconic puzzle box is updated. Now the box marks its victims by cutting them and drawing blood. Also this box radically changes its shat with each use. As well in this version of the puzzle also requires sacrifices as well. And, at the end the survivor of the puzzle gets a choice of fates, but in this game nothing is as expected.

What this film strongly reminds me of is the remake of Evil Dead in that it is clearly Hellraiser but it is enhanced and in some ways more brutal. It is the perfect Rebute after all the damage done to the franchise by Dimension. I really see if handled by the correct hand this could lead to Hellraiser being better than ever. The pain could be wonderous!

If you are a Hellraiser fan, this is the film you’ve been waiting years for.

 

Review: Hellraiser Judgement (2018)

Review: Hellraiser Judgement (2018)

By William Pattison

Now it is my pleasure to review the final Dimension Hellraiser film.

Hellraiser: Judgment (2018)

 

Detectives Sean and David Carter are on the case, to hunt down a gruesome serial killer terrorising the city. Joining forces with Detective Christine Egerton, they dig deeper into a spiralling maze of horror that may not be of this world. Could the judgement awaiting the killer's victims also be waiting for Sean and can he survive Leviathan’s Cult of Judgement?

I am of two minds when it comes to this film. I really find the new group of Cenobites, The Cult of Judgement, interesting and a breath of fresh. I also like that in this film we firmly establish that there is more than one Hell Priest in Hell since the one in the cult is clearly not the Pinhead we’ve known, which also helps my head canon with Hellraiser Revelations and the fat Pinhead.

I really like the Hell Proest in this film. He is a lot like our old Pinhead but there are enough differences, shit his costume is different. He seems to be Leviathan’s contact person between it and the cult. I really liked that.

I also liked the unique way the cult serves Leviathan. Their methods and goals are different from The Gash. They seduce extremely evil people and through putting them through the tests of Judgement they determine if the person’s soul is worthy of Hell. A plain old naughty person isn’t enough. They want prime evilness to brim to their master, basically they are the Gordon Rameses of Hell. Good stuff in my book.

What I hated about this film was that the serial killer in this film was a carbon copy of the killer in SEVEN. Come on people! You give us a total new group of Cenobites but get cheap with the killer. I was pissed and disappointed when I saw this. This film could have saved Hellraiser and steered it in a new direction with a new set of Cenobites. Also, in this film they brought in the angels and did something very interesting with that plot line, but spoilers… let’s  just say Heaven isn’t put in a good light.

The ending of this film was a lost opportunity that would have made an interesting next film, but allas.

All in all as a Hellraiser film this one is ok. It kind of reminded me of the original Hellraiser comics where they played with the mythos in interesting ways. But this film does not have the strength nor brutalness to reenergize the series. We’d  have to wait for the reboot for that…

 

 

Review: Hellraiser Revelations (2011)

Review:Hellraiser Revelations( 2011)

By William Pattison

This time we got the first domension Hellraiser film to get a theatrical release, unfortunately..

Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)

 

In search of adventure, American friends Steven and Nico document their road trip to Tijuana on camera. However, they are in for a nasty surprise. At a local bar, a stranger gives them a puzzle cube, promising extraordinary experiences to those who can solve it. Instead, the two friends vanish without a trace. A year later, their grieving relatives gather for dinner, having long abandoned hope of ever seeing their boys again. Pretty soon, they discover firsthand that some doors are best left closed. With disturbing raw footage revealing that pain is the ultimate pleasure, and the interdimensional Cenobites at their doorstep, are they prepared for an eternity of suffering at Pinhead's hands?

The only good thing about this film is it was a film meant to be a Hellraiser film. The bad part was this film was only made to keep the Hellraiser copyright with Dimension. The production was rushed and the budget was cut so bad that this film actually looks like a bad fan film. Also because the budget was cut they only offered Doug Bradley the insulting amount of only $3,000 to play Pinhead. Doug told them to shove it. He had had enough.

So, Dimension hired actor Stephen Smith Collins for the part of Pinhead. This was a mistake because Collins bore no resemblance to Bradey in voice,  facial structure, or even body type.on top of that because of the budget Collins wore a  cheap Pinhead costume that was actually rented from a costume shop making him look fat in the illfitting outfit. The other Cenobites didn’t care better. The Chatterer wore a cheap mask that didn’t allow his teeth to   chatter. The only new Cenobyte the Nailhead had to wear an extra production Chatterer body suit that didn’t fit.

Though the film was clearly a Hellraiser scrip it didn’t expand the mythos and in fact reused ideas from Hellraiser and Hellbound.

The acting in the film matched the fan film quality of the rest of the production.

So, just to end the pain, if you love fan films you might get a bit of enjoyment, but if you are looking for a true Hellraiser experience it’s time to bring out those mind altering drugs yet again…NOW IT’S A PARTY!!!

Review: Hellraiser Hellworld (3005)

Review: Hellraiser Hellworld (2005)

By William Pattison

This time I have yet another of those incredible direct to video Hellraiser films…

 

A group of teenagers have become big fans of the latest Hellraiser video game -- so much so that they create a tribute website called "Hellworld.com," which simulates a digital Lament Configuration in cyberspace. However, Pinhead is not at all happy with this turn of events, and decides to take action against the them, luring them to a party where their frightening fantasies become a far more disturbing reality.

This is yet another attempt by Dimension  to reuse an unused script in their archive and paste on Hellraiser elements to create a Frankenmovie.

·       The original script that became Hellworld was a story about a father getting revenge on the kids who he blamed for the death of his videogame adicted son. Nothing Hellraiser was involved in the film originally and it really shows in the finished product. This film would be the last film to feature Doug   Bradley as Pinhead. The problem is the Pinhead in this film doesn’t act at all like the  Cenobyte we know. This Pinhead is just a boring killer who doesn’t even really tortures his victims. Pathetic. The real Cenobytes show up at the end but Dimension actually used already used footage from Hellraiser Deader in this film to save money. Pathetic.

If you are a Hellraiser fan, don’t waste your time. Worse yet is the fact that this is the sad ending for Doug Bradley as Pinhead. The reason why is because Dimension gave him a disgusting low amount to play on this film and then offered him an insulting amount for the next one.

So, as stated before, don’t waste your time. This film is garbage and is in no way a true Hellraiser…

 

Review: Hellraiser:Hellseeker (2002)

Review: Hellraiser Hellseeker (2002)

By William Pattison

This time I’m doing yet another direct to video Hellraiser movie that not only features Pinhead, but Kirsty Cotton…Oh boy...

Bizarre hallucinations and disturbing erotic nightmares haunt amnesiac Trevor Gooden after a car accident under mysterious circumstances leaves him hospitalised and his wife, Kirsty, missing. Now, the visions grow in number and intensity, but so do the unanswered questions. To piece the puzzle together, Detectives Lange and Givens are on the case, but they sense that something is off. After all, Gooden has been giving off mixed signals since day one. But lust, greed, and deception have already opened the gate for the Cenobites to take believers on another journey to the barren landscapes of pain. As Pinhead answers the box's call, years after Hellraiser (1987), pure evil casts the bait, and a sinister machination begins to unfold. However, what happens to those who seek hell, and darkness responds?

This film is yet another example of Dimension reusing the concept of an already made and popular film and threwing a Hellraiser covering on it. This time they used the concept from the film Jacob’s Ladder. This film was so much a copy of Jacob’s I easily predicted the ending of the film. The only good part of the film was when Kirsty confronts Pinhead and makes yet another deal with him. Quite literally that is the only good part of the film because it is a complete and utter rip off of Jacob’s Ladder.right down to this film even having a chiropractor scene, except the chiropractor turns out to be Pinhead. Of all the direct to video Hellraiser this one most annoyed me because I was excited when Kirstywas going to be in this one. I was horribly disappointed and felt like I was made a fool. This film just plain angers me. They had an opportunity to finish Kirsty’s storyline and Dimension did this insult to the fans. Be smart, either avoid like the plague or put the DVD in the microwave and destroy it. You will save yourself pain worse than Hell…

Review: The Others: Doom from Space (2026)

Review: The Others; Doom From the Stars (2026)

This time I’m reviewing a new film that is inspired by H P Lovecfaft…

2065 - Earth is establishing bases in space. When one station detects an unusual object and launches a probe at it, everything changes. People are hearing voices in their sleep and public transmissions from our space bases are halted.

0k, I have to says as a sci Fi fan and a lover of Lovecraft l was royally disappointed by this film. This film would have made a very palitable radio drama but as a feature film it was a headache causing slog to watch. The reason why is this film is all just talking heads. It is all communications, news reports, and ,amusingly, podcasts by people from the year 2065 talking, and I  do mean TALKING, about the great Old Ones from the writings of H P Lovecraft invading peoples dreams and a “Thing” coming to Earth.

Now, we don’t actually see anything of this thing coming to Earth. All we see is people talking about it.

 The filmmakers do put up a few scenes of people rioting and a few lovely space scenes of stars, But all else is people talking  rather than any action, which is a big no no in a science fiction feature film.

They also bonk the viewer on the head insessiantly with a blue triangle logo with a one in the middle of it.This actually got horribly annoying for me after a while.

Another annoying aspect of this film which it shares with films of its type, like Unfriended, is it tells the viewer what is happening rather than showing it, which it I  guess couldn’t do due to budgetary constraints. Unfortunately, films are supposed to be a visual medium and this doesn’t work well given the format, Thus causing the film to be a boring slog of never ending dialogue.

In the end I found this a hard film To watch and I doubt you’re average horror, sci fi, or Lovecraft fan is going to find much enjoyment from this film. But if you are one of the one percent of the fans that absolutely love a talking head film I say go for it. For everybody else this would be a party with a lot of mind altering drugs and lots of booze…Yep… NOW IT’S A PARTY!!! NOT!!!!

L

Also, I’m sorry to the gentleman who gave me the screener for the film, but you wanted an honest review and I gave it to you.

Oh, and also to my audience for subjecting you to this namateur production.

Oh, also one last thing..it is a first year film school mistake made by D grade filmmakers that they tell action instead of showing it. Usually by the time these students graduate class they get over such a juvenile mistakes, But, some don’t unfortunately. It  on the endshows the quality of the filmmaker. But, of course it is those D graders who deny this fault. That is why Sci Fi is in such a pathetic state for the most part. Have yourself a nice day.

 

Review; Hellraiser Deader (2005)

Review: Hellraiser Deader  (2005)

By William Pattison

This time I got yet another Hellraiser film from Dimension’s notorious steaight to video era…

The cenobites are back and they're bringing an army of the dead to create hell on earth. After viewing a mysterious videotape showcasing a shocking act of death and resurrection, undercover reporter Amy Klein soon learns of an underground group who possesses the power to restore life to the dead. Soon deeply entangled in the group's malevolent experiments with the afterlife, Amy finds herself caught in a life-or-death struggle that threatens to tear her soul apart.

·       This film was not supposed to be a Hellraiser film and you can tell as the synopsis Above clearly shows. The cenbytes and Pinhead are just thrown into the film. There is clearly no real connective Material between the HellraIser elements and the original Deader material. So, the film is a confusing mess that doesn’t work with the Hellraiser mythos.

·       Keri Whulur, who plays the journalist in this film does the best she caan with the confusing material and actual puts out a decent performance.

·       If it wasn’t for Dimension playing games in order to do a money hall, instead of respecting any of the material, Deader might have turned out to be a good thrilller, but instead it is a mess that stands out on the Hellraiser franchise and doesn’t please any film watcher.

·       My suggestion is just  avoid this film if you are looking for a Hellraiser film because it really isn’t. If you want a true Hellraiser experience, then watch the first four films.

·       

 

Review; Hellraiser Inferno (2000)

Review: Hellraiser V: I Inferno (2000)

By William Pattison 

This time I’m reviewing the fifth film in the Hellraiser franchise…

A shady police detective becomes embroiled in a strange world of murder, sadism and madness after being assigned a murder investigation against a madman known only as "The Engineer".

This is the fifth and first of the unfortunate direct to video Hellraiser films Dimension produced. Most of these were 

Hellraiser versions of already done films like Jacob’s Latter (Hellraiser 6) and I produced reused scripts (Hellraiser 7). This film is actually a retelling of the film Angel Heart.

Craig Sheffer is not bad as the corrupt detective Joseph, the ususpecting target of Hell and Pinhead.

Also, this film features some very interesting Cenobbytres, including The Wire Twins (that I amusingly call The Soska Cenobytes) and The Torso (a variation on The Chatterer Cenobyte).

All in All this is one of the most watchable of these later Hellraisers, but is is far inferior to Hellraiser Bloodline, which came before it. Also, though Penhead appears in this film it is barely more than a cameo at the end.

In the end though this film is ok it will be nearly ten years before fans would get a Hellraiser worthy of the   name. The only time I would recommend this film would be if you were bored and couldn’t find a copy of Angel Heart.

Review: The Progity (2019)

Review; The Progity (2019)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing a killer kid movie about an extremely creepy  boy who has the reincarnated soul of a serial killer…and it stars that  creepy kid from Bold and the Beautiful…Oh Joy!!!

More and more, John and Sarah's only child, Miles, is showing signs of genius-level intellect, and an emotional detachment. Alienated and incapable of socialising with kids his age, Sarah brings a now-eight-year-old Miles to the reincarnation expert, Dr Arthur Jacobson, who has a bizarre theory about the origin of the exceptional boy's problems. However, is there a logical explanation for Mile's violent attitude and his increasingly hostile behaviour? Under those dire circumstances, if the doctor is right, can Sarah and John help their son before it's too late?

The kid that plays Miles in this film royally  creeps me out. He has since I first saw him  as the son of the man bun wearing lead designer for Hope for the Future in the soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful. Seriously, this kid makes Gage in Pet Sematary look like a Care Bear. This kid has dolls eyes, they stare into your soul…Mommy!!! This kid make Makully Culkin in The Bad  Seed look cute. He makes Damian in The Omen look nice. I mean DAMN!!! This kid is nasty. Wait until you see what he does to the family dog.

This is a creepy, scary, film that makes you wish for a visit from black eyed kids, because that would be more pleasant.

But if you like brutal, disturbing, horror that will give you nightmares and make you look at your paperboy with suspicion, then this is the film for you. This film is MOMMY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!..

 

 

Review: 11 11 11 (2011)

Review: 11 11 11 (2011)

By William Pattison

This time I got a psychological horror movie by The Asylum…Ugh!!!

11-11-11 (2011)

 

After the death of his wife and child, an author travels to Barcelona to see his estranged brother and dying father, where he learns that his life is plagued by events that occur on 11/11/11.

Ok, if you are looking for a supernatural film that actually makes sense this is not the film for you. The plot of this film makes no sense. There is talk about the number eleven and how it is supposed to be the devil’s  number. I thought 666 was his number? Well, not in this mess. Things happen. Demons appear.  People die.Nothing makes sense. But this film was made by The Asylum, so I think we got a bit of an answer there.

My judgement on this film is don’t watch it unless you love confusion and get off on having a headache.

 

Review: Dread (2009)

Review: Dread (2009)

By William Pattison

 

Three college students , Stephen, Cheryl, and Quad, set out to make a thesis video for one of them about the effect of facing your greatest fear and the dread it causes, but Quade, Stephen's friend, takes the study too far, manipulating and torturing the other two as well as some of their already damaged classmates, to mask the dread that results from his own fears.,

This is an excellent adaptation of the source story from Clive Barker’s Books of Blood anthology book series, but what can you expect because Clive wrote the screenplay.

 It takes the brutality of the source material and puts it in the face of the audience with no holds barred.

Shaun Evens does an excellent job as the sadomassacististic Quade. Hanne Sheen  is also good as the unfortunate Cheryl who ends up being Quade’s prime  victim.

This film is prime splatter punk gold and I highly recommend it.

Review: Dreamscape (1985)

Review: Dreamscape (1985)

By William Pattison

This time I got an 80s Sci Fi thriller about psychic assassins that kill through dreams…

Alex Gardner is a flawed man. But above all else, he possesses a rare gift--a powerful psychic ability. After reuniting with his former mentor, Alex joins a government-funded project aimed at helping troubled patients pinpoint the root of their issues by projecting himself into their subconscious. However, as Gardner catches the attention of a corrupt agent, a sinister plan comes into play, threatening humankind's future. Now, in a mysterious world beyond dreams and nightmares, Alex finds himself entangled in a dangerous cat-and-mouse game filled with intrigue and murder. Will the psychic detective survive the dreamscape?

This film is from an unfortunately short period in the 80s when Hollywood used the urban legend of the time about the government And it’s enemies using the human psyche as a weapon. During this period beside the film we are discussing there is the films Brainstorm and Scanners that are prime examples of this period.

Denis Quade is excellent as Alex Grademer, the flawed psychic who must become a better man in order to stop the murder of the president by the psychic assassin Billey Ray.

Mex Von Scido plays the corrupt inventor of the technology that could benefit society but instead is being used for murder.

The practical fx is a prime example of the outstanding creativity and just visual brilliance of the time.

The story is exciting as well as being disturbing in the message it conveys, a hallmark of great 80 science fiction.

So, if you want to see some great 80s Sci fi that makes you think but is still a thrill to your senses this is the film for you…

 

Review:The Bride (1986)

Review: The Bride(1985)

By William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing the semi sequel to The Bride of Frankenstein, but not the more recent feminist 2026 reimagining. Nope I’m reviewing the original 1986 version…the good one…

After the creation of his creature, Dr. Frankenstein researches and creates the perfect woman, Eva, to be the mate of the creature. However, the anxiety of the creature creates havoc in the laboratory, which is burnt down and explodes, killing Frankenstein's assistants, Dr. Zahlus and Paulus. Dr. Frankenstein believes the creature also perished, but he has escaped to the woods. He soon meets and make friends with the dwarf Rinaldo, who gives him the name Viktor, and invites him to work in a circus in Budapest. Meanwhile, Frankenstein and his housekeeper, Mrs. Baumann (Geraldine Page), teach Eva how to behave and to be independent. One day, Frankenstein introduces Eva to the high-society, telling her that she was an amnesic found in the woods and has become his protégée. Frankenstein becomes obsessed with Eva, while she and Viktor have a strange connection. What will happen to Eva?

As, I stated above I find this film the superior and definitive sequel to James Whales Bride of Frankenstein.

Yes, in this version the actual creator of the bride, aka Eva, is Doctor Frankenstein, rather than a feminist woman. But in this version Frankenstein is actually trying to create essentially a feminist woman. He wants to create an independent woman who would be his mental equal…Yes, this Doctor Frankenstein, who is played by Sting, is an egotistical asshole. He wants his idea of the perfect woman. Oh, but of course since he made her she is his property. Indeed the monster in this film is Doctor Frankenstein himself and in fact all the supposed “normal” people presented in this film.

Eva, who is played by Flash Dance’s Jeniffer Beales is night and day from James Whales Bride and her 2026 reimagining. She is actually a very beautiful,innocent, soft spoken, girl. In this production. She is really nothing outstanding except that she is connected to the creature and at times can feel his emotions. Outside of that she isn’t really that outstanding of a character even though she is the titled character. But in fact that is what the filmmaker intended. Still I prefer this bride to her 2026 counterpart.

The creature, who is named Victor (Yes, that is supposed to be the doctor’s name, but for some reason he is named Charles in the film),  played brillantly by Clancy Brown, is a very kind and sensitive soul who often gets in trouble through  ignorance or misperception of other people. The trouble usually starts when *normal people mistreat or try to manipulate him for their own agendas.

The Real key to Brown’s performance is he doesn’t play Victor as the Frankenstein monster, he plays him as Victor, a real person with feelings, wants, desires, loves and hates. It makes Victor more relatable to the audience and a more three dimensional character, much like Mary Shelley’s  original  character.

Along with Victor is his only friend Rinaldo the midget. Rinaldo is the brains of the operation and decides to include his large, strong, friend in his dream of joining the circus as a performer, which ends tragically for Rinaldo.

It is actually the friendship of Rinaldo and Victor that is the heart of this film. It actually steals the show. It sidelines Eva’s storyline for a large part of the film. It is sadly after the death of , in act three, that the film truly becomes about Victor going to find Eva and dealing with his heartless creator.

All Iin all the 1986 The Bride is an entertaining and well made film that doesn’t lecture you or hit you over the head with an agenda or a message. Just a good good horror film made during a time when the film industry knew its job, to entertain people with good stories and good characters. That’s what I look for in movies…

 

Review:Wicked Season (2024)

eview: Wicked Season (2024)

By William Pattison

This times I got a slasher thriller with a scarecrow killer…fun time…

Three detectives follow the trail of a copycat serial killer to an abandoned insane asylum, only to find they've been lured there by something far more sinister.

I should have known when I found out that this film was from Uncorked that it was going to be a stinker.

This film started out interesting story about a scarecrow masked killer and an Abandoned asylum but it quickly degenerated into a demonic mess. Our near killer disappears and we are stuck with a bunch of demon possessions and a confusing plot that has you scratching your head. I was not happy at all with this film. It was a waste of my time and I say avoid like the plague if you are smart…

Revew: Transmutations, Aka I dnderworld (1985)

Review: Transmutations, aka Underworld (1985)

By William Pattison

This time I got Clive Narker’s first attempt as a screnwriter to release a feature film for distrobution…

Underworld (1985)

Anonymous

When high class hooker Nicole is kidnapped from her brothel, Rich businessman Hugo Motherskille hires her ex love Roy Bain to find her. Investigating the disappearance, he eventually finds traces that lead to Dr. Savary, who has produced a strange white powder that's coveted by a race of deformed human beings who live in the underworld in the sewers below the city.

This film predates Barker’s novel about an underground community of freaks and monster and has been long considered a precursor to Barker’s novel Cabal that was the source for his film Nightbreed.

U fortunately Barker has for years disowned this film as well as RAwhead Rex because the production company made changes to both films that Barker didn’t approve of.

Personally I really love this film. I love the style and a just love feel and even the music.

The actress playing Nicole has a very unique and attractive look to me. So unique that I naturally did a portrait of her that I ended up selling for $1000 at a charity auction.

The quest for Roy Bain, the main character to find Nicole, who is the love of his life, who also has the strange power of allowing people to experience their deepest desires is the heart of the film though Nicole is barely given ten minutes of screen time. The rest is  Roy Bain going from the world of the sex trade into a strange world of illegal experimentation, drugs, and human mutation.

This film also has a hard edged English Goth and Punk feel sprinkled into it. As well the music by the Welsh band  Freur ebich really stuck with me, especially the end theme, Remember me.

All and all this film is a unique experíence that for me even with its flaws outshines even Nightbreed to me. I don’t know if you will get the same impression, but it is more than with your time if you are interested in Seeing Barker’s work pre-Hellraiser…

Review: The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Review: The Midnight Meat Train

By William Pattison

L

This time I got a film adaptation of a well known  Clive Barker story…

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

 

Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

 

The photographer Leon lives with his girlfriend and waitress Maya waiting for a chance to get in the photo business. When Maya contacts their friend Jurgis, he schedules a meeting for Leon with the successful owner of arts gallery Susan Hoff; she analyzes Leon's work and asks him to improve the quality of his photos. During the night, the upset Leon decides to wander on the streets taking pictures with his camera, and he follows three punks down to the subway station; when the gang attacks a young woman, Leon defends her and the guys move on. On the next morning, Leon discovers that the woman is missing. He goes to the police station, but Detective Lynn Hadley does not give much attention to him and discredits his statement. Leon becomes obsessed to find what happened with the stranger and he watches the subway station. When he sees the elegant butcher Mahogany in the train, Leon believes he might be a murderer and stalks him everywhere, in the beginning of his journey to the darmess…

This film is pure splatterpunk gold. It is brutal, psychologival, tense, and loaded with plot and characterisation. This is not a film beginning horror fans, this is for the fans that like their horror bloody,extra gory, and just plain violent. This is Barker’s work at it’s  most nasty and this director captures it perfectly.

If you are a Barker fan this is the adaptation for you.

Review: Gallery of Horror (1977)

Review: Gallery of Horror(1967)

By William Pattison

 

John Carradine narrates five horror tales, each with a comically predictable surprise ending. In the first, "The Witches Clock" (sic), The Farrells have purchased an old mansion in Salem Massachusetts, and are warned by the town doctor, Finchley, of the history of witches in the community, and the old clock which they brought up from the attic. Then an old man named Tristram Halbin comes for a visit. The second story, "King of the Vampires" deals with a slight-figured killer, called the King of the Vampires by Scotland Yard, which sends Brenner to investigate. The third, "Monster Raid," is about a man turned zombie when he OD's on his experimental drug, who returns to avenge his death at the hands of his widow and her lover-now husband. "Spark of Life" deals with a doctor Mendell obsessed with the experiments of a thrown-out professor named Erich von Frankenstein, and two of his students who try to restore a cadaver to life. "Count Alucard" (called "Alucard" by Carradine and "Dracula: on the end credits, is a variation on the Dracula story, with the Count acquiring the deed to Carfax Abbey from Harker, as vampiresses and dead bodies start turning up. It, too, has a surprise ending unrelated to Stoker.

This film is a complete mess that even having John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr couldn’t  save.

The stories are badly written and acted l. The only good parts, and they aren’t that good is John Carradine’s monologues before each story.

The final story is an off narrative adaptation of Dracula:Guest with bad dialogue and a surprise ending that comes out of right field.

As a lover of classic anthologies I was horribly disappointed.There is not even a gallery on the damn film. This film is actually worse than the film I thought got the prize for bad anthology film, The Monster Club, this is far worse. All hail the worst classic anthology film, and it is a complete STINKER!!! You want an anthology with an actual gallery in it watch Night Gallery, it’s  worlds better.

Review; The Haunting of Blithlow zHouse 2018

Review: The Haunting of The Whitlow House

By William Pattison

This time who got a tale of a haunted house…

Two passionate entrepreneurs sink all their resources into a "haunted" house with the hope of turning it into a profitable horror attraction. The young couple soon realizes that the horrific stories surrounding the house's sinister history are not only true, but deadly.

Ok, let’s just pull the bandage off and let the pain begin. I suggest you watch Hell House LLC and toss this badly made ripoff in the toilet because it is complete and utter DOGSHIT.Don’t waste your time, t’s my job.