Review:Jacob’s Wife (2021)
By William Pattison
This time I got a feminist vampire movie staring Barbara
Crampton…
Anne, married to a small-town Minister, feels her life has
been shrinking over the past 30 years. Encountering "The Master"
brings her a new sense of power and an appetite to live bolder. However, the
change comes with a heavy body count.
Now let me start out by saying this review is an update of
the original review I did on the original Horror Bob’s Blog on Overblog five
years ago, and five years is not that long amount of time for a movie.
Unfortunately, this film is not aging at all well, I was actually nice when I
originally reviewed this film all those years ago, but years of social justice
and “THE MESSAGE” has made me less then sentimental. All the annoying blemishes
in this film are now blazingly clear.
This film, which was basically a feninistist Fright Night
ripoff has now become far less entertaining and more like nails on a
chalkboard. The supposed humor is not at all funny and the big bad in the film,
“The Master” is not at all scary and is just a vehicle to lecture in your face
about the slavery of women by men…Seriously people! This film makes the remake
of Fright Night look fantastic and preferable…and I HATE the Fright Night remake
with a passion. This film makes me feel sorry for Barbara Crampton for having
to be associated to this turd. The poor woman had to work overtime to hold this
production together.
So, unless you have pink, blue, or green hair and haven’t shaved
your legs since 2020 you will not enjoy this film. This film is like a teenager
who had nasty skin issues…it is full of unattractive pock marks…
So, here is a question…How do you end an update review of an
in your face feminist vampire film? You
get in your face…
So it is now time for me to get in YOUR faces. I stopped
giving sugar coated reviews years ago after dealing with the crap The Soskas
were putting out and reading other review sites saying “This is one of the best
films to come out in the last five years. It is not a perfect film but still it
is genius…” GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!! It’s
like calling a turd in a punch bowl a Baby Ruth!!! If it is a turd it is
a turd. A genius film by calling it such means it is a perfect film. To call an
imperfect film genius is to show that you are a complete fucking idiot.A genius
film is a film that is perfect and cannot be improved because it is perfect
Already. Point made. In your face rant over. Remember that Rue Morgue and Dread
Central… Stop shooting yourselves in the foot. You people are getting paid by
the fans…I’m not.
