The Thursday Murder Club (2025)

The Thursday Murder Club (2025)

By William Pattison

This time I have the pleasure of reviewing a film directed by the iconic director of Gremlins, Christopher Columbus.

The Thursday Murder  Club tells the story of four irrepressible retirees spend their time solving cold case murders for fun. But their casual sleuthing takes a thrilling turn when one of the owners of their retirement community is brutally murdered and they find themselves with a real whodunit on their hands. Now they must help the police solve the murder because the future of their retirement home is at stake.

Though this film is a 2025 film, it has a very 80s feel to it. In fact it reminds me of the classic 80s film where old retired people are the heroes of the story, Cocoon. The actors in this film are fantastic, but give me a break, Chris Columbus has Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosden, Ben Kingsley, Johnathan Pryce, Tom Ellis, and David Tennent in the cast. This film is wonderfully written and produced and it is a film that is character driven and firmly holds your interest, unlike a most of modern films. Unfortunately, this is a Netflix exclusive rather than a theatrical release.

This film is the long awaited Chris Columbus film I’ve  been waiting for. I highly recommend it, it’s  awesometacular.

 

Dracula: A Love Tale (2025)

Dracula: A Love Tale (2025)

By William Pattiso

 

After his wife dies, a 15th century prince, Vlad The Second, renounces God and becomes a vampire. Centuries later in 19th century France, he sees a woman resembling his late wife and pursues her, sealing his own fate.

The filmmaker of this film had to be obsessed with Coppella’s Dracula. There are way too many member berries in this film related to that film. Even naming Vlad’s true love Elizabetha screams Coppella and how old Dracula looked like. This would have been an excellent soft remake if it wasn’t for one incredible annoying thing…the fucking CGI gargolyals. Give me a fucking break! This is not a Disney “live action” affair. Not is this a kiddie movie. These living gargolyals royally took me out of the film, like the praying mantis monster in Dario Argento’s Dracula.

The move from England to France for the major part of the story didn’t really make a difference, so why do it? Changing Van Helsing to the French priest didn’t  make a difference, so why do it? There was a lot of questionable decisions and all the right ones made this film a homage rather than a fully original take on the classic story. Still, it is entertaining and if you love Coppella’s vision you will find this entertaining…

 

House of the Witch (2017)

Review: House of the Witch (2017)

By William Pattison

 

A group of high-school kids set out to play a Halloween prank at an abandoned house, but once they enter they become victims of a demonic witch who has set her wrath upon them.

This film was a royal borefest for me. It was extremely predictable and wasn’t at all scary. Even the jump scares, or what was supposed to be jump scares didn’t impress me. Worst of all I exactly predicted the ending of the film. Sorry, but if you want to be bored out of your mind then watch this film, I bet you start dosing off half way through it. I started checking Facebook because this film couldn’t keep my interest. I don’t recommend this film. Avoid like the plague…

 

Review: Baphomet (2021)

Review: Baphomet (2021)

By William Pattison

 

For my next review I’m doing the Satanic cult film, Baphomet.

The Richardson family celebrates their 28-year-old daughter's pregnancy in Northern California. The celebration is interrupted when a Satanic cult member, Aksel Brandr, pays them an unexpected visit. Aksel, on behalf of the cult's leader Henrik Brandr, offers to pay the family a large sum for ownership of their land. Jacob Richardson, the father, rejects the offer due to the priceless sentimental value of their home. Henrik and his cult, displeased, begin to put devastating curses on the Richardsons, trying to force them off their land - even if it means murdering them. After suffering unexplainable tragedies, the Richardsons seek help from Marybeth, a white witch high priestess. They soon discover a terrible secret about their home, revealing why it is so valuable to the cult. They realize they must protect their property from the cult at all costs, and a violent battle between good and evil ensues.

Unfortunately this film suffers from a bad case of being unfinished and being tried to be fixed in editing. This fact is obvious because the ending is a mess. One of the main characters was actually brought back to life and his wife was told by the white witch that brought him back not to let anyone know he was alive, but tS ahen out of no where with no explanation he is helping the cops who suddenly appear and they know he has been resurrected. Then in another scene the white witch suddenly shows up and kills one of the Satanists that are attacking the family’s ranch. Also, almost immediately the Satanists have dug a hole and got in the secrets chamber where Satan’s son is sleeping, also not explained.

It's sad. This film had some good build up but because I guess the filmmaker ran out of money the ending was a butchered mess that tanked what had potential to be a good film.

So, with all this said I can’t recommend this film.

 

Review: The Haunting of Borley Rectory (2019)

The Haunting of Borley Rectory (2019)

 By William Pattison 

The story of Borley Rectory, which is said to be the most haunted building in the world before it was mysteriously destroyed by fire just before WWII.

But eight months before the fire a university paranormal research crew stayed at the rectory. This is the story of their six month search for proof of the supernatural.

First off I have to remind you that this is a hardcore British film production. Most of the actors in the cast are heavy duty theatre actors with that bland theatre actors style of acting. This film was done on a shoestring budget so the camera work and lighting reflects this. Also this film is horribly serious and not really scary. The main ghost, a rotton faced nun, just stands around and does nothing.

With all this said, I have to tell you that I less you’re  spent at least a decade of being cultured in real British films you will be bored to death and will wonder why you didn’t  shut the movie down after fifteen minutes. Thus, I cannot recommend this film, even though I thought it was ok. But that is just little old me. If you want to test yourself I suggest you fill a punchbowl with whiskey punch, have lots of edibles, and have an extra large Cheech and Chong doobie, then you might, and I do mean might, get through...

Review: The Hole (2009)

Review: The Hole (2009)

By William Pattison

 

For this next review I’ll be reviewing the 2009 horror film The Hole.

Susan and her sons Dane and Lucas Thompson move from Brooklyn to small town Benzonville. Dane is upset with the constant changes of address and the family has lived in many cities. Lucas and Dane befriend their next door neighbor, the gorgeous Julie and the brothers find a bottomless hole in the basement of their house locked with several padlocks. They take the locks off and soon they are haunted by their darkest fears. Further, they believe that the hole might be a gateway to hell.

 I love kid centric supernatural films. Besides IT I really enjoy The Innocents and The Gate, though my associate Christopher Highland would have issue with the latter. The Gate royally freaks him out. In my opinion The Hole would be a perfect pairing with The Gate for a double feature night.

This film has a definite late 80s/ early 90s horror vibe to it. I love the fact that it uses the time honored plot device of using the characters fears against them. Also uses atmosphere and family dynamics to create a relatable chill. This is a time tested terror tale. And I  have to say this is an excellent production…and no CGI involved, which puts a smile on my face. I highly recommend this film if you want a solid goreless terror tale in the 80s style…

Bait (2025)

Bait (2025)

By William Pattison

 

For my next review I got a British monster in the basement film distributed by the people at UnCorked (AHhhhhhhh!). Well, let’s start the torture…I mean fun…

On their way to a family gathering, mother Angela, father Drew and their kids Lucas and Josie wake up in a dark, ominous basement after a car accident. Trapped with a ravenous creature, caged and hungry for human flesh, they must work together to find a way to escape with their lives. As the family struggles to survive, Angela's brother desperately searches for them, needing to identify their captor and uncover his dark past before it's too late.

Well, tight upper lip, after all this is an UnCorked production, which means micro budget and four days shoot.. oh boy! Still, once is a while they come up with something fair watchable.

This film doesn’t redesign the wheel.  The acting is good because it is British and British people are very anal about their acting. The production quality is a bit better than UnCorked is known for. The monster design is amusingly bad. The story is ok. It kind of reminds me of the tacky Metallic series from Liongate, but with a monster instead of a brain damaged guy in metal armor doing the killing. Still very tacky.

I guess I’ll  recommend this with a lot of drinking and cannabis, that is the only way to get through this piece of shit.