Review: Hellbenders 3D (2012)

Hellbenders 3D (2012)

By William Pattison

 

The Augustine Interfaith Order of Hellbound Saints, a team of blasphemous ministers who live in a constant state of debauchery, work to drag the worst of demons back to Hell.

As a real fan of anti-heroes, especially the paranormal type, given that I’m the author of the Devlin Darck Demon Fíghter tales, I was really loving this film. Sinning priests who are sent to possessions to go nuclear and drag demons to Hell is a brilliant concept. It reminds me of the Clive Barker story Saint Sinner. Love this stuff! It gets so tongue in cheek which is so much fun, as long as you don’t  have a royal stick up your backside when it comes to religion. Catholics and Mormon, when it comes down to it can be enormous sources of humor. It is why Book of Mormon is such a stellar hit on Broadway. This is a nasty, gory, and irreverent film in the extreme and I have to say it is AWESOMETACULAR!!!

Ou can find this film on Tubi TV.

Review: Necromentia (2009)

Review: Necromentia (2009)

By William Pattison

 

What do you get when you desire Hellraiser and it’s not available and neither is Event Horizon?  When much like the person who wants nachos but ends up with pancakes and guac. Here is the movie you’ve been waiting for…

An off-world look at the superstitious repercussions of tattooing a Ouija Board on your body. Hagen, who has a dead wife, believes that he can revive her from the dead. Travis, a man who lost his brother and wants to join him in the afterlife. Morbius, a bartender who is betrayed by those he loves comes back from the dead to take revenge. And a strange man, known only as Mr. Skinny, protects the secrets of the Ouija Board and how the stories weave and affect each other.

Amusingly enough this film is far better than any of the latter Hellraiser sequels, meaning after Hellraiser: Hellseeker. This film actually has the feel of one of the issues of the original Hellraiser comic book. It is a story about Hell without the Hellpriest nor any of the original. I loved the design of the demons, especially Mr Skinney and the chained to demon. All the characters are well done for this kind of story, none are innocent and all are sadomasochistic manipulators. The atmosphere is shadowy, industrial, and very dystopian. The story expertly meshes all three of the storylines together. All in all if you are a Hellraiser fan you will love this film. I was royally pleased. In fact I enjoyed this film far more than the last three Hellraiser films. Enjoy the pain and blood…

You can find this film on both Tubi TV and Fawesome…

L

Review: Project MKHEXE (2025)

Review: Project MKHEXE (2025)

By William Pattison

 

This time I have a mockumentary horror film…

Tim, an amateur filmmaker, returns home to film his brother Sean's funeral after his apparent suicide. But in the days that follow, Tim discovers Sean's obsession with an Internet urban legend that does not exist about a secret government mind control experiment gone horrifically wrong, Project MKHEXE.

I’m not a huge government conspiracy fan but this mockumentary has a very Lovecraftian aspect.

I found that I admired how much love and care the filmmaker used in creating the lore around the MKHEXE project. The film is literal art piece when it came to the detail of the brother’s research into this supposed Internet urban legend that doesn’t  exist and those who seek it end up having horrifying and tragic ends. I loved how in the film MKHEXE affects the people around those who seek it. The film is well shot and acted. There are no under or overdone performances which makes this film that much more disturbing and helps draw you into the huge complicated puzzle. Don’t  expect any real scares or a monster at the end. This is not that type of found footage. You get the truth about MKHEXE, but like the works of Lovcraft the creators know they can’t really do the other world terror justice so you get a lot of strobing and random images, which works well. The truth is the thing you don’t see is more disturbing than anything a filmmaker can produce. If you are into found footage films you just might enjoy this film. This is definitely not for the uninitiated. But if you love government conspiracy and Lovecraftian terror this is your film and I will happily recommend it.

You can find this film on Tubi TV and Fawesome…

 

Review: Hell House LLC (2025)

Review: Hell House LLC: Lineage (2025)

By William Pattison

 

This time I’m reviewing the lastest installment of the Hell House LLC franchise.

Haunted by visions and recurring nightmares years after a near-death experience, Vanessa Shepherd finds herself living in the town of Abaddon, unable to break free from its unexplainable hold on her. When people around her suddenly and inexplicably begin to die, she soon uncovers her terrifying connection to the Abaddon Hotel, the Carmichael Manor and the mysterious murders that have been occurring for decades.

I have to say that though I’ve seen all the films in this series I can’t really call myself a fan. I was entertained by the majority of them, but they really weren’t anything I went out of my way to see. I do have to acknowledge that this series is one of two found footage series that have evolved into a full franchise. The other being Paranormal Activity. Yet, I have to say I was especially unimpressed by this installment. In an odd change from it’s other installments this film is not found footage. On top of that this film is not even a full story. It was promoted as the finale of the series yet it ended on a cliff hanger and a lead up to an actual final installment. As well, this film feels like only half a story. To make it worse this film lacks the scares and writing of its sister films. In fact it feels more like an information dump than a full installment. Sadly, I cannot recommend this film, but unfortunately if you plan to see the final installment whenever it comes out you are going to have to slog through this film to keep up with the details of the puzzle. I feel sorry for you…

Review: Queens of the Dead (2025)

Review: Queens of the Dead (2025)

By William Pattison

 

Drag queens and other members of the LGBQ battle zombies craving brains during a zombie outbreak at their drag show in Brooklyn, putting personal conflicts aside to utilize their distinct abilities against the undead threat.

There have been a lot of variations of zombie films over the years including punks rockers, prostitutes, and strippers. Now, finally, we get a zombie film featuring drag queens. Perfect team up for a horror comedy. I loved the characters in this film, but I thought the story was ok.

There was definitely not enough drag queens. I saw only three and one was a zombie.

 Also I hated the zombie makeup because for some reason the filmmakers decided to paint all the zombies with silver paint, that was it just silver paint.

 I did like that they injected incidental music that reminded me of Day of the Dead. They also had a cameo of Tom Savini.

But in the end I have to say that this film fails to be a good zombie film. Shoot, the zombies were hardly in it, but thank goodness because silver skinned zombies just don’t work.

So, I cannot recommend this film because I really wanted a funny drag queen and zombie film, but this isn’t it. Sorry…

 

Review: Videotheque aka Videoteka (2024)

Review: Videotheque aka Videoteka (2024)

By William Pattison

 

This time I’ve got a Serbian anthology film…

Fleeing the police, a small-time thief hides in an abandoned video store. Stuck for the night he decides to play three strange films.

I have to say that I really enjoyed the wrap around story, which is about a thief who ends up stuck in this royally creepy abandoned video store. The video store actually reminded me of a real cringe video store I used to frequent in the 80s, though a bit dusty and dirtier.

(Warning: Spoiler Alert)

The three stories are really well done, though I have to say the first story Dangar is a bit anticlimactic to me. It tells the story of a tribal man who is saved from drowning in the ice by an old man. The old man has a blind daughter. The tribal man ends up killing the old man and burning the daughter as a sacrifice to his gods. You don’t  really get any reasons for this. The second story is a very Twilight Zone style story about a young man who works at a sandwich shop and has a beautiful girlfriend. One day he meets a man who drives a BMW. The guy introduces him to his boss who is a rich man. The old man somewhat jokingly offers to switch with the young man because the young man wants to have the good life. So, the young man ends up waking up in the old man’s body.

The third story is about a cop who has a slight obsession with an underaged girl and is married to a pregnant wife. The cop is in the middle of a situation where a suspected serial killer has escaped jail and is on the loose The girl is related to the murdered guard and the viewer is lead to expect that the suspect isn’t  the killer but the cop.

All the stories are well produced and shot. The only unfortunately thing is these stories are all in Serbian with subtitles, so I ended up getting a headache having to try reading the dialogue while watching. Also, this film is a lot like our VHS anthology series, but with better written stories and a lot less gore. I will definitely recommend this film, if you can find it since it is a Serbian film. I will only suggest you keep some aspirins on hand for the headache from the subtitles you will get.

 

Review: Extremity (2018)

Review: Extremity (2018)

By William Pattison

This time I got a film about an extremely haunt…

Allison, a young woman with a severely troubled past who signs up for an extreme haunt called Perdition. She believes that putting herself through Perdition's nightmarish trials will help her exorcise her internal traumas, but has no way of knowing just how shocking her ordeal will be-or what dark secrets buried in her psyche will emerge.

I had expected to really enjoy this film, after all I’ve seen films like The Houses October Built and a couple of other films about extreme haunts.

Unfortunately, this film royally disappointed me. It amusingly lacked the extreme haunted house feel of the other films and it seemed the creator mistakened extreme extreme haunts for S&M and torture which is not the same. Also, they ruined the members of the supposed haunt and exposed who they are, including the head man of the haunt. Not only does he pull off his mask, we end up finding out he is a family man and his haunt is failing. I royally hated this. The other haunt films left the cast members of the haunts unknown and left them scary. This film made the cast a bunch of losers and the head man the biggest loser. No, no, no, fail. Then they do the ridiculous thing of having Mr Loser haunt guy somehow find the main character’s abusive and molesting father and have him confront her. After that bullshit, which came after all the earlier stuff. I just shook my head. Give me a break. This film. Was a complete mess. It started out ok and then after the first act it tanked and kept tanking. I would have happily accepted the ending of it wasn’t  for way they handled two thirds of this film.

This is definitely a non- recommendation. If you want a good extreme haunt film check out The Houses that October Built, it is the best of this subgenre.

Review: Mr. Jones (2013)

Review: Mr. Jones (2013)

By William Pattison

 

Scott and Penny move to the woods to do a nature documentary. They discover that the guy who lives in the next cabin is the infamous artist known only as Mr. Jones, who is known for sending out scarecrow-like figures to select people with traumatic results. They to change their plans and do their documentary on Mr. Jones instead. But they find that they’ve gotten into something they should have left alone and soon they find their nightmares and reality begin to collide when they enter the world of Mr. Jones.

This film is a freaky, disturbing, mind fuck. It is amazing what these filmmakers achieve with sticks, animal bones, and candles. The atmosphere of this film is unique. It is definitely in the mockumentary subgenre but it also expands well into psychology horror as well. It overwhelms the viewer with the otherness like Lovecraft, but in its own unique way. Don’t  expect jump scares with this film. This film, when it gets started, makes you feel continuously off kilter. It literally gave me the chills, and with my experience in horror it don’t get that.

Honestly, I have to say this is the best film of its kind that I’ve seen. It you want to feel some real creeps this is the film for you. For me, and I’m  not a huge fan of found footage/ mockumentary films, I say this film is AWESOMETACULAR!!!

 

Review: Its Name Was Mormo (2024)

Review: Its Name Was Mormo (2024)

By William Pattison

This time I got a found footage demon film that isn’t a Paranormal Activity film…

A young family's life unravels into chaos as a sinister presence targets each member in its own malicious manner. Through the lens of police evidence, Mark, Diana, and Mia endure the torment of a demon deeply rooted in Greek mythology.

I was not impressed with this film. It was a typical Paranormal Activity like found footage film. The wrap around of the computer screen and the guy who is reporting the case is ineffective and in fact ruin the ending of the film. I do have to give the filmmaker kudos for getting the performance he did out of the little girl.

But all in all this is not a good found footage film that brings nothing to this subgenre. I cannot recommend it. Just watch one of the Paranormal Activity films. You’ll  have a far more entertaining time. Also if you are going to title a film, Its Name Was Mormo, you better the fuck mention the damned name in the film. No excuse…

 

Review: Kristy (2014)

Review: Kristy (2014)

By  William Pattison

This time I’m reviewing a film suggested by Ghost Pirate, aka Kainan Becker…

College girl Justine works hard to support herself at Bryce College, where she studies. During Thanksgiving, her boyfriend Aaron goes home and Justine has plans to stay on campus with her roommate, Nicole. Out of the blue, Nicole's father invites her to Aspen, while Justine remains in the dorm. One night, Justine drives to a convenience store to buy supplies and meets Violet, who threatens her. Shaken, Justine returns to campus, where she soon finds herself being hunted down by Violet and three hoodlums from a cult. Justine has to fight to survive.

Now I have to confess that though this film was suggested by Kainan Becker, he saw it because it was a suggestion mentioned on Rebecca McKendry’s podcast. I have to admit that this piece of information gave me pause when it came to viewing this film, given my history with McKendry and the fact that she helped kill Fangoria (Yes, I  know it is back, but the new owners brought back all the people who killed it in the first place with their social politics bullshit…). I also heard she along with Christopher Alexander and Bob Martin got my bio and credit for my Camp Crystal Lake Novels pulled as well as had me banned from Wikipedia. So, to put it simply there is zero love lost. But on with the review because I decided fuck the bitch and her opinion…I’ll give my honest opinion.

Ok, I’ve  seen a lot of films like this that are varied in how good they are. The Strangers and You’re Next come to mind. This film is really middle of the road to me. I was entertained, but this film in no way expands upon this subgenre in any way. I have to say that Haley Bennett did an excellent job as Justine but of course she did because she was literally the center of the film. The killers were literally just there to take up space. I wasn’t impressed at all with the lot, especially creepy girl with the lip piecing. Shit, the film was mainly Justine running from the three killers and having the music make you jump. When it is the music that brings the scares you are in trouble. I honestly got annoyed with that whistling shit too. My associate, Mr Highland, uses that routine when he dresses like a clown and pranks people. It’s real amateur time.

So, even though Kainan and McKendry thought this film was the shit I was not impressed other than the actress and the last ten minutes of the film when she started being tactical and started killing the fucks that were hunting her.  Sorry, no recommendation here unless you are a social justice warrior and think Rebecca is bitchin’…

The Whisper in Darkness

Review: The Whisperer in Darkness (2011)

By William Pattison

 

Based on the H. P. Lovecraft story of the same name, a folklorist investigates reports of unusual creatures in Vermont only to uncover more than he bargained for.

I’m a HUGE retro horror film fan. I loved House of  the Wolfman and Frankenstein and the Creature of Black Lake as well as The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera. This is actually my second retro style HP Lovecraft film. The other was the retro silent film, The Call of Cythulu. I have to say that black and white is the perfect format to use for a Lovecraft story. This film captures that 50s style sci fi/horror vibe. Even with the obvious CGI creatures this film still retains that retro 50s feel. The casting is perfection and the acting is just right. This film is a brilliant homage to those old classics my generation watched shows like Creature Features on Saturday nights. So, with all this said I  have to say The Whisper in Darkness is AWESOMETACULAR!!!

You can find this film on Tubi TV…

 

HP Lovecraft's Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (2023)

Review: HP Lovecraft’s Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (2023)

By William Pattison

 

Supposedly from the mind of HP Lovecraft comes the story of  George Carney, who is hired by a graphic novel publishing company to validate a book that is supposedly the black magic diary of Aleister Crowley. The book is supposedly the inspiration for the book in Lovecraft’s stories,The Necronomicon, a book made from human flesh that can bring the dead back to life. Carney is sent to New Orleans and New York and meet up with people who can prove the book is real, but he is unaware his publisher has secondary reason for sending Carney on his quest, one that will cost the comic book writer his soul.

This is a very dark movie, literally. The filmmaker tried to give the film a shadowy art noir atmosphere, but instead made it hard to watch. This fucker is dark and not in the good way, as in not lighting. The opening and ending, with the narrator in the car, royally doesn’t  help the film and makes it look horribly amateurish. Even the inclusion of Michael Madson, Lyssette Anthony, and Sylvester McCoy does nothing to improve this mess of a film. The filmmaker needs to realize that just because you reference Lovecraft or the Necronomicon doesn’t  make it a Lovecraft film.

As a fan of Lovecraft’s work I’m  royally offended by this film. Ignore this piece of crap and instead watch the Lovecraft anthology film Necronomicon: Book of the Dead, which starred Bruce Campbell as HP Lovecraft. It is a legimate Lovecraft film and is far more entertaining…

 

 

 

Review: Frankenstein (2025)

Review: Frankenstein (2025)

By William Pattison

 

This time I got oscar-winning director Guillermo del Toro’s adaptation of Mary Shelley's classic tale of Victor Frankenstein, a brilliant but egotistical scientist who brings a creature to life in a monstrous experiment that ultimately leads to the undoing of both the creator and his tragic creation.

I won’t go into too many spoilers. This film is not just a homage to Mary Shelly’s novel, but all earlier adaptions of the story. There are aspects of this film that even harken back to the Peter Cushing Baron Frankenstein films and even the Hallmark adaption and Branough’s Frankenstein as well.

 Oscar Issac’s Victor Frankenstein is clearly an ego case and is very much the true monster of the story. But since this is a Del Toro film the questionable actions of The Creature are forgiven and he comes off as a sensitive, misunderstood, victim of circumstance.

 I like the fact that William Frankenstein is an adult man. I never liked that he was a child in the book and other adaptions. I also liked that Del Toro expanded and made a complicated subplot with Elizabeth.

Then sets and production is fantastic. The Creature design is brilliant. There is an excellent balance of practical and CGI FX as well.

Though this adaptation is not my absolute favorite I can say it is in my top five. I applaud Guillermo for this incredible film. I just wish Netflix hadn’t cheated audiences the chance to fully experience this film the way Del Toro intended. I still highly recommend this film. It is very much a ride…

 

Conjuring the Inferno, aka Flesh for the Inferno (2015)

Conjuring the Inferno, aka Flesh for the Inferno (2015)

By William Pattison

 

A local community group volunteers to prepare a dilapidated Catholic school for a make-over, unbeknownst to them that a sulphurous curse stemming from the unjust and grievous punishment of a pious group of Sisters has condemned the place.

Well, I thought this was going to be a throwback to such classics as Gates of Hell, The Church, and The Beyond. Though it was obvious the filmmakers were inspired by those films this film is mired by the lack of characterization and character development that a lot of lower tier horror films suffer from. Though there are a couple of scenes that mirror these great Italion classics it suffers from the modern Hollywood lack of style and respect for the material.

This film rather than embracing the type of film it wanted to present instead made it cheap and common.

If you like a few gore scenes and flat characters this is your film. As for me as a cultured horror aficionado I cannot recommend this film. Honestly, I’ll forget it after fifteen minutes…ok gone…Yeah… What was I talking about???

Review: 3 Demons (2022)

Review :3 Demons (2022)

By William Pattison

 

Ok, this time we got an art house psychological demonic film from Uncorked Films.

3 DEMONS fixes on a Deputy that is tasked with watching over the body of a recently deceased woman until her family can arrive and claim her. As his curiosity gets the better of him, he inadvertently concludes an unfinished ritual. The conjuring now complete, strange and sinister forces begin to target him. As his past is unearthed, he's forced to face his own demons with terrifying consequences.

Uncorked is one of those distribution company that for the most part puts out total crap. Some of my worse film experiences have been watching Uncorked films. Once in a long while they manage to put out something entertaining. This is one of those rare films. It is all thanks to a fantastic performance by actor Peter Tell as the unfortunate Officer Fisher. Literally Fisher goes through hell as demons mentally torture him while he is watching over the body of a murder victim in a ritual circle. The character of Fisher is what holds this film together and it is Tell’s performance that is the glue. If he had just walk through his performance, like so many do in these films it would have been a mess, but Tell have it his all and this film is great because of it. I love films like this. I’m  happy and I’m  sure you will be too. I highly recommend this film, no alcohol required…

 

Review: Lechuza (2025)

Review: Lechuza (2025)

By William Pattison

This time we got an old fairy tale adapted for modern times…

On the way to a camping trip, a family tries to help an old lady lying in the middle of the road. She turns out to be a witch and casts the curse of the Lechuza upon them. Later that night, she transforms into a winged demon who terrorizes the family.

Nvr in a while I run into some micro budget horror films. These films are usually done on budgets between $10,000 to $100,000 and are shot in as little as four days. This films are shot with cheap cameras or even on occasion phones with more than likely the phone’s microphone as the only audio. The filmmakers of these film have to use a lot of imagination to tell their stories. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. They are never really great, but a small portion of these are watchable. This one is watchable. It takes the Hansel and Grettle trope and puts it in modern times and has the witch terrorizing a nice Latin family. The witch design is ok. It consists of  scary mask covered by a black veil. I wish they would have made up the witch’s arms and finger nails because it look obvious it was a younger woman . The hands were too soft and manicured to be a witch’s. It was way too Spirit Halloween bargain barrel to be taken seriously.

I recommend you watch this film after having a large amount of alcohol and a couple doobies for good measure. Then it will be a party…