Review: The House on Bell Mills Road (2024)
By William Pattison
This time I’m reviewing this Z grade haunted house movie...Oh
boy…
A lawyer represents his deceased client's estate after
mysterious deaths at the mansion raise legal issues-and the possibility of a
paranormal threat.
Ok, when I found this film on Tubi TV I immediately checked
IMDB for info and reviews…I found absolutely nothing. I had to go on Rotten
Tomatoes to find a synopsis. As for reviews I found nada.. not one review or
even a Tomatometer rating. For Hell’s sake, even The Soska Sisters IPhone
S&M crapfest got a 3 out of 10 on the Tomatometer amazingly. So, because
I’m a wonderful and generous person. I
decided that this film needed a review…Oh, boy…here comes the pain…And I do
mean pain. This film looks to have been shot with a mix of webcam and IPhone
with a bunch of AI animation, and royalty free footage, as well as props bought
through Party City and Spirit Halloween. The editing is a horrible set of nasty
ass jump cuts.
The acting is that of people reading cards and doing it with
no talent at all. Sorry guys! It’s called acting not reading.
The music track is
all royalty free music. It seems obvious this filmmaker never attended a film
class because this crapfest looks worse than a first year film students class
film. It is nasty as shit.
So, with all this said I have to say this film is a hot,
steaming pile of dog shit and you should avoid like the plague.
I’m serious, people,
this film got my PTSD going and I had to take a nitro to finish it. I risked my
life for you!!! You better appreciate it!!!
But if you don’t
believe me and want to put yourself through a lot of pain you can find
this masterpiece on Tubi TV. Don’t … Aaaahhhhhhh! Mommie!!!
