Shock Waves (1977)

Review: Shock Waves (1977)

By William Pattison

 

This classic horror movie concerns a shipwrecked yachting party. Rose and her fellow yacht-mates, including the captain run aground on an island when they hit an odd-looking freighter. Once beached, they discover an aging SS Commander who had been in charge of a squad of  Nazi zombies.

Now these castaways must find a way to escape of die at the hands of the Nazi super soldiers.

I have wanted to see this film since I heard about it in the 80s and saw that fantastic poster with the Nazi super soldiers wearing those goggles.

Amusingly, this film really doesn’t feel dated even with the 70s fashions. I also thought the Nazi super soldiers were the most original zombie-like threats, with their fairly normal faces and the white hair. The goggles added a bit of creepiness to their appearance. The only thing I found stupid was that if you rip the goggles off the zombie sokdiers faces they die. Having John Carradine as the boat captain and Peter Cushing as the former SS commander made this film really feel like old home week to me. I really loved this film it was a treat. Unfortunately the gore hounds will be royally disappointed this is a royally bloodless film. You get to see a couple of drowned bodies, but that is as far as it goes. Though this film has a PG rating, in modern terms this film is a firm G rating. Still, if you can get past the rating and lack of red stuff you will be in for a very interesting installment in this genre… So I’m  still recommending it…too bad…

 

Review: Death's Sonata (2024)

Review: Death's Sonata (2024)

By William Pattison

This time we got a royally rough slasher film....

Dr. William Fredrickson has been practicing psychotherapy for nearly thirty years. His patients have ranged from pill popping suburban housewives to death row inmates, but there was only one that left a truly lasting impression. Charles has suffered from schizophrenia his entire life. The older he gets the deeper he falls into psychosis. After years of failed therapy and treatment he retreats to his family's old hunting cabin where he spends his days hiding from the voices in his head, trying to ignore the call to action from DEATH, the Grim Reaper himself, who forces him to carry out his work with the threat of Death taking him instead. As the murder rate rises, Dr. Fredrickson suspects his former patient, who left his treatment years ago. Desperate to find Charles, Fredrickson enlists the help of a young patient, Matthew Wilson, who suffers from extreme manic depression. Matthew sets off to find Charles and while following the clues given to him, finds himself in the middle of a police manhunt.

This is not a great slasher film. It is low budget with so so acting and it really shows it’s lack of budget at times. Still, this film is not a loss. It is brutal and nasty. The plot is semi interesting and if you can get past the rough edges and really like hard edge slasher films this might be the film for you. For me I like good story and character work and this film lacks that. But if you like something that is more like a snuff film, here you go. Personally I needed to clean myself after watching this film…

Review: Witchboard (2025)

Review: Witchboard 

(2024)

By William Pattison

 

Director Chuck Russell (Nightmare on Elm Street 3, The Blob) marks his return to the horror genre with WITCHBOARD. Emily  and her fiancé Christian discover an ancient Wiccan artifact, a pendulum board, as they prepare to open a bistro in New Orleans' French Quarter. Emily becomes obsessed with the board's power of divination and spirit summoning, exposing her to the ancient spirit of the Queen of Witches. Desperate to help his fiancé, Christian seeks the advice of occult expert Alexander Babtiste . But Babtiste has secrets of his own, including his connection to a modern-day coven of witches. A masked ball, murder and mayhem ensue... With each swing of the pendulum, a dangerous game is played with Emily's soul at stake.

This film is more a sequel than a reimagining, even with the original director producing it. The fact that the main evil is the Witch Queen instead of Malfador speaks volumes in this direction. Also the use of the pendulum board over the Ouija board, aka Witchboard. I have to say that this film is a far better produced film than the original, but I find the simplicity of the original as well as Kevin Tenney’s style more to my liking. Not over explaining the evil and not making everything connected made the original more believable to me. The main characters were Innocents that got dragged into the situation. Yes, this version had a far better last act, but the ending of the original was pure low budget 80s gold. I wouldn’t change it. To me the original Witchboard is a horror classic like Night of the Living Dead. It is their flaws that make them special and memorable. And, even though Chuck and Kevin more than likely believe this Witchboard is Witchboard perfected I won’t  remember this new film next week. It’s just another possession movie in a flood of possession movies. I’m not saying I won’t  recommend it. If you are looking for a fun horror movie, this film will do the job. You’ll  be happy with it. It’s  just not something I’d add to my horror collection, just like Witchboard 2. There is only one Witchboard and I really don’t  want another. If I want to watch another Kevin Tenney film I’ll  pull out Witchtrap, which isn’t  a Witchboard sequel or reimagining…

The Thursday Murder Club (2025)

The Thursday Murder Club (2025)

By William Pattison

This time I have the pleasure of reviewing a film directed by the iconic director of Gremlins, Christopher Columbus.

The Thursday Murder  Club tells the story of four irrepressible retirees spend their time solving cold case murders for fun. But their casual sleuthing takes a thrilling turn when one of the owners of their retirement community is brutally murdered and they find themselves with a real whodunit on their hands. Now they must help the police solve the murder because the future of their retirement home is at stake.

Though this film is a 2025 film, it has a very 80s feel to it. In fact it reminds me of the classic 80s film where old retired people are the heroes of the story, Cocoon. The actors in this film are fantastic, but give me a break, Chris Columbus has Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosden, Ben Kingsley, Johnathan Pryce, Tom Ellis, and David Tennent in the cast. This film is wonderfully written and produced and it is a film that is character driven and firmly holds your interest, unlike a most of modern films. Unfortunately, this is a Netflix exclusive rather than a theatrical release.

This film is the long awaited Chris Columbus film I’ve  been waiting for. I highly recommend it, it’s  awesometacular.

 

Dracula: A Love Tale (2025)

Dracula: A Love Tale (2025)

By William Pattiso

 

After his wife dies, a 15th century prince, Vlad The Second, renounces God and becomes a vampire. Centuries later in 19th century France, he sees a woman resembling his late wife and pursues her, sealing his own fate.

The filmmaker of this film had to be obsessed with Coppella’s Dracula. There are way too many member berries in this film related to that film. Even naming Vlad’s true love Elizabetha screams Coppella and how old Dracula looked like. This would have been an excellent soft remake if it wasn’t for one incredible annoying thing…the fucking CGI gargolyals. Give me a fucking break! This is not a Disney “live action” affair. Not is this a kiddie movie. These living gargolyals royally took me out of the film, like the praying mantis monster in Dario Argento’s Dracula.

The move from England to France for the major part of the story didn’t really make a difference, so why do it? Changing Van Helsing to the French priest didn’t  make a difference, so why do it? There was a lot of questionable decisions and all the right ones made this film a homage rather than a fully original take on the classic story. Still, it is entertaining and if you love Coppella’s vision you will find this entertaining…

 

House of the Witch (2017)

Review: House of the Witch (2017)

By William Pattison

 

A group of high-school kids set out to play a Halloween prank at an abandoned house, but once they enter they become victims of a demonic witch who has set her wrath upon them.

This film was a royal borefest for me. It was extremely predictable and wasn’t at all scary. Even the jump scares, or what was supposed to be jump scares didn’t impress me. Worst of all I exactly predicted the ending of the film. Sorry, but if you want to be bored out of your mind then watch this film, I bet you start dosing off half way through it. I started checking Facebook because this film couldn’t keep my interest. I don’t recommend this film. Avoid like the plague…

 

Review: Baphomet (2021)

Review: Baphomet (2021)

By William Pattison

 

For my next review I’m doing the Satanic cult film, Baphomet.

The Richardson family celebrates their 28-year-old daughter's pregnancy in Northern California. The celebration is interrupted when a Satanic cult member, Aksel Brandr, pays them an unexpected visit. Aksel, on behalf of the cult's leader Henrik Brandr, offers to pay the family a large sum for ownership of their land. Jacob Richardson, the father, rejects the offer due to the priceless sentimental value of their home. Henrik and his cult, displeased, begin to put devastating curses on the Richardsons, trying to force them off their land - even if it means murdering them. After suffering unexplainable tragedies, the Richardsons seek help from Marybeth, a white witch high priestess. They soon discover a terrible secret about their home, revealing why it is so valuable to the cult. They realize they must protect their property from the cult at all costs, and a violent battle between good and evil ensues.

Unfortunately this film suffers from a bad case of being unfinished and being tried to be fixed in editing. This fact is obvious because the ending is a mess. One of the main characters was actually brought back to life and his wife was told by the white witch that brought him back not to let anyone know he was alive, but tS ahen out of no where with no explanation he is helping the cops who suddenly appear and they know he has been resurrected. Then in another scene the white witch suddenly shows up and kills one of the Satanists that are attacking the family’s ranch. Also, almost immediately the Satanists have dug a hole and got in the secrets chamber where Satan’s son is sleeping, also not explained.

It's sad. This film had some good build up but because I guess the filmmaker ran out of money the ending was a butchered mess that tanked what had potential to be a good film.

So, with all this said I can’t recommend this film.

 

Review: The Haunting of Borley Rectory (2019)

The Haunting of Borley Rectory (2019)

 By William Pattison 

The story of Borley Rectory, which is said to be the most haunted building in the world before it was mysteriously destroyed by fire just before WWII.

But eight months before the fire a university paranormal research crew stayed at the rectory. This is the story of their six month search for proof of the supernatural.

First off I have to remind you that this is a hardcore British film production. Most of the actors in the cast are heavy duty theatre actors with that bland theatre actors style of acting. This film was done on a shoestring budget so the camera work and lighting reflects this. Also this film is horribly serious and not really scary. The main ghost, a rotton faced nun, just stands around and does nothing.

With all this said, I have to tell you that I less you’re  spent at least a decade of being cultured in real British films you will be bored to death and will wonder why you didn’t  shut the movie down after fifteen minutes. Thus, I cannot recommend this film, even though I thought it was ok. But that is just little old me. If you want to test yourself I suggest you fill a punchbowl with whiskey punch, have lots of edibles, and have an extra large Cheech and Chong doobie, then you might, and I do mean might, get through...

Review: The Hole (2009)

Review: The Hole (2009)

By William Pattison

 

For this next review I’ll be reviewing the 2009 horror film The Hole.

Susan and her sons Dane and Lucas Thompson move from Brooklyn to small town Benzonville. Dane is upset with the constant changes of address and the family has lived in many cities. Lucas and Dane befriend their next door neighbor, the gorgeous Julie and the brothers find a bottomless hole in the basement of their house locked with several padlocks. They take the locks off and soon they are haunted by their darkest fears. Further, they believe that the hole might be a gateway to hell.

 I love kid centric supernatural films. Besides IT I really enjoy The Innocents and The Gate, though my associate Christopher Highland would have issue with the latter. The Gate royally freaks him out. In my opinion The Hole would be a perfect pairing with The Gate for a double feature night.

This film has a definite late 80s/ early 90s horror vibe to it. I love the fact that it uses the time honored plot device of using the characters fears against them. Also uses atmosphere and family dynamics to create a relatable chill. This is a time tested terror tale. And I  have to say this is an excellent production…and no CGI involved, which puts a smile on my face. I highly recommend this film if you want a solid goreless terror tale in the 80s style…

Bait (2025)

Bait (2025)

By William Pattison

 

For my next review I got a British monster in the basement film distributed by the people at UnCorked (AHhhhhhhh!). Well, let’s start the torture…I mean fun…

On their way to a family gathering, mother Angela, father Drew and their kids Lucas and Josie wake up in a dark, ominous basement after a car accident. Trapped with a ravenous creature, caged and hungry for human flesh, they must work together to find a way to escape with their lives. As the family struggles to survive, Angela's brother desperately searches for them, needing to identify their captor and uncover his dark past before it's too late.

Well, tight upper lip, after all this is an UnCorked production, which means micro budget and four days shoot.. oh boy! Still, once is a while they come up with something fair watchable.

This film doesn’t redesign the wheel.  The acting is good because it is British and British people are very anal about their acting. The production quality is a bit better than UnCorked is known for. The monster design is amusingly bad. The story is ok. It kind of reminds me of the tacky Metallic series from Liongate, but with a monster instead of a brain damaged guy in metal armor doing the killing. Still very tacky.

I guess I’ll  recommend this with a lot of drinking and cannabis, that is the only way to get through this piece of shit.

 

Bambi: The Reconning (2025)

Review: Bambi: The Reckoning (2025)

By William Pattison

Oh my fucking GOD, people!!! You better damn appreciate my sacrifice when it comes to this. I traumatized myself and eradicated my childhood by forcing myself to watch Bambi: The Reconning. It wasn’t enough that this group of complete bastard English filmmakers unusual for him to stay at the motel connected to the dance club who would rent a motelhave taken our childhood Disney cartoons and warped them in slasher and monster films. For fuck’s sake Disney itself is already torturing us with their fucked up WOKE bullshit “live action” remakes. Jesus fucking Christ…(Bile) Well, let’s  start the torture…They got such sights to show you…

After a mother and son are involved in a car accident, they become the targets of a terrifying hunt. Traumatized by the loss of his own mother, Bambi undergoes a horrifying transformation, becoming a mutated and vengeful creature. Driven by grief and rage, he seeks revenge on the surviving mother and son, leading to a deadly game of survival in the woods. This dark and twisted retelling explores themes of grief, revenge, and the dangers of nature.

I have to admit Bambi was the most entertaining, twisted, and well made installment in this completely fucked up subgenre. The story is actually a well written parable or rage, pain, and the evils that business men do. The acting is the best I’ve  seen so far in one of these blockbuster (NOT) films. The CGI demonic deer in this film is the best part of it next to Thumper and the other CGI bunnies. This kills are brutal and well executed. I actually both laughed and cringed in a couple of places.

If you choose to watch this film I highly recommend you watch the four part remake of Bambi VS Godzilla shorts to set yourself up for this film. Bambi is a nasty customer and he can put Rambo to shame if you cross him. Just saying.

I can’t  believe I’m  saying this, but I highly recommend this fucked up film, just not for the little ones. Let them have their childhood because these greedy fucks try to destroy it with a happy smirk on their faces. Bastards!!!!

 

The Painted (2024)

Review: The Painted (2024)

By William Pattison

 

When Evelyn Elster inherits her estranged cousin's fortune she thinks her family has finally gotten the break they've needed. Little do they know they've not only inherited her cousin's riches, but also a family curse, and must do whatever they can to avoid becoming its latest victims.

I must say I have an real affection for haunted paintings/ haunted photograph films. I love every adaptation of The Picture of Dorian Gray. As well my favorite of the Dark Shadows films is actually Night of Dark Shadows, which deals with the witch Angelique being resurrect through her portrait. The last ten years the haunted portrait films have come back with films like the newest adaptation of Dorian Gray, Dead Still, and this film The Painted.

This film is an excellent edition to this beloved subgenre. The mythology of the curse in this film is pure perfection. I know the screenwriter must have been a fans of Night of Dark Shadows and The Innocents. The acting is excellent. The CGI animation on the paintings is creeping and expertly executed. All together this is an excellent demonic ghost story that I find awesometacular! If you want to enjoy this excellent film you can find it on Fawesome in the best horror movie list…and it is a well earned title…

 

Review: Deadly Descent aka YETI (2013)

Review: Deadly Descent: The Abominable Snowman aka YETI (2013)

By William Pattison

My next review is one of those amusing horror/adventure /Abominable Snowman movies.

When an ex-military climber  named Brian is found to be missing his friends go up into the mountains to try and find him and come face to face with the deadly creature Brian was searching for. They manage to escape the creature and find shelter in an abandoned lodge. They find Brian there and find out he was trying to trap and kill the creature because it killed his father. Then, of course, to add spice to the situation they find out there are two creatures. Now Brian and his friends must fight for their lives again these primal forces. Will they survive?

Unfortunately, this film suffers from the same defects as 98 percent of the film in this subgenre. This film has bad writing as well as bad acting. For Christ’s sake, Adrian Paul has to do this ridiculous American accent!!! All the characters  are supposed to be ex-military yet all they do is argue with each other and make stupid mistakes. And, if all that wasn’t  enough, then there is the most horrifying, not scary at all, part of the film, the creatures. These things don’t  look anything like Yetis. They look like horribly CGIed Gorillas/ bears. This is royally bad. It makes Sharknado look good .

So, with all this said, if you want a good snow creature laugh fest, I’ll recommend it…only thing is you’ll need to down two bottles of whiskey and a large Cheech and Chong Doobie to get through this mess. I suggest you save yourself the hangover and watch Abominable instead.