Bait (2025)

Bait (2025)

By William Pattison

 

For my next review I got a British monster in the basement film distributed by the people at UnCorked (AHhhhhhhh!). Well, let’s start the torture…I mean fun…

On their way to a family gathering, mother Angela, father Drew and their kids Lucas and Josie wake up in a dark, ominous basement after a car accident. Trapped with a ravenous creature, caged and hungry for human flesh, they must work together to find a way to escape with their lives. As the family struggles to survive, Angela's brother desperately searches for them, needing to identify their captor and uncover his dark past before it's too late.

Well, tight upper lip, after all this is an UnCorked production, which means micro budget and four days shoot.. oh boy! Still, once is a while they come up with something fair watchable.

This film doesn’t redesign the wheel.  The acting is good because it is British and British people are very anal about their acting. The production quality is a bit better than UnCorked is known for. The monster design is amusingly bad. The story is ok. It kind of reminds me of the tacky Metallic series from Liongate, but with a monster instead of a brain damaged guy in metal armor doing the killing. Still very tacky.

I guess I’ll  recommend this with a lot of drinking and cannabis, that is the only way to get through this piece of shit.

 

Bambi: The Reconning (2025)

Review: Bambi: The Reckoning (2025)

By William Pattison

Oh my fucking GOD, people!!! You better damn appreciate my sacrifice when it comes to this. I traumatized myself and eradicated my childhood by forcing myself to watch Bambi: The Reconning. It wasn’t enough that this group of complete bastard English filmmakers unusual for him to stay at the motel connected to the dance club who would rent a motelhave taken our childhood Disney cartoons and warped them in slasher and monster films. For fuck’s sake Disney itself is already torturing us with their fucked up WOKE bullshit “live action” remakes. Jesus fucking Christ…(Bile) Well, let’s  start the torture…They got such sights to show you…

After a mother and son are involved in a car accident, they become the targets of a terrifying hunt. Traumatized by the loss of his own mother, Bambi undergoes a horrifying transformation, becoming a mutated and vengeful creature. Driven by grief and rage, he seeks revenge on the surviving mother and son, leading to a deadly game of survival in the woods. This dark and twisted retelling explores themes of grief, revenge, and the dangers of nature.

I have to admit Bambi was the most entertaining, twisted, and well made installment in this completely fucked up subgenre. The story is actually a well written parable or rage, pain, and the evils that business men do. The acting is the best I’ve  seen so far in one of these blockbuster (NOT) films. The CGI demonic deer in this film is the best part of it next to Thumper and the other CGI bunnies. This kills are brutal and well executed. I actually both laughed and cringed in a couple of places.

If you choose to watch this film I highly recommend you watch the four part remake of Bambi VS Godzilla shorts to set yourself up for this film. Bambi is a nasty customer and he can put Rambo to shame if you cross him. Just saying.

I can’t  believe I’m  saying this, but I highly recommend this fucked up film, just not for the little ones. Let them have their childhood because these greedy fucks try to destroy it with a happy smirk on their faces. Bastards!!!!

 

The Painted (2024)

Review: The Painted (2024)

By William Pattison

 

When Evelyn Elster inherits her estranged cousin's fortune she thinks her family has finally gotten the break they've needed. Little do they know they've not only inherited her cousin's riches, but also a family curse, and must do whatever they can to avoid becoming its latest victims.

I must say I have an real affection for haunted paintings/ haunted photograph films. I love every adaptation of The Picture of Dorian Gray. As well my favorite of the Dark Shadows films is actually Night of Dark Shadows, which deals with the witch Angelique being resurrect through her portrait. The last ten years the haunted portrait films have come back with films like the newest adaptation of Dorian Gray, Dead Still, and this film The Painted.

This film is an excellent edition to this beloved subgenre. The mythology of the curse in this film is pure perfection. I know the screenwriter must have been a fans of Night of Dark Shadows and The Innocents. The acting is excellent. The CGI animation on the paintings is creeping and expertly executed. All together this is an excellent demonic ghost story that I find awesometacular! If you want to enjoy this excellent film you can find it on Fawesome in the best horror movie list…and it is a well earned title…

 

Review: Deadly Descent aka YETI (2013)

Review: Deadly Descent: The Abominable Snowman aka YETI (2013)

By William Pattison

My next review is one of those amusing horror/adventure /Abominable Snowman movies.

When an ex-military climber  named Brian is found to be missing his friends go up into the mountains to try and find him and come face to face with the deadly creature Brian was searching for. They manage to escape the creature and find shelter in an abandoned lodge. They find Brian there and find out he was trying to trap and kill the creature because it killed his father. Then, of course, to add spice to the situation they find out there are two creatures. Now Brian and his friends must fight for their lives again these primal forces. Will they survive?

Unfortunately, this film suffers from the same defects as 98 percent of the film in this subgenre. This film has bad writing as well as bad acting. For Christ’s sake, Adrian Paul has to do this ridiculous American accent!!! All the characters  are supposed to be ex-military yet all they do is argue with each other and make stupid mistakes. And, if all that wasn’t  enough, then there is the most horrifying, not scary at all, part of the film, the creatures. These things don’t  look anything like Yetis. They look like horribly CGIed Gorillas/ bears. This is royally bad. It makes Sharknado look good .

So, with all this said, if you want a good snow creature laugh fest, I’ll recommend it…only thing is you’ll need to down two bottles of whiskey and a large Cheech and Chong Doobie to get through this mess. I suggest you save yourself the hangover and watch Abominable instead.